Press "Enter" to skip to content

Advanced Mathematics Degree Required to Read Next Kingdom Hearts Spin-Off Title

TOKYO — Kingdom Hearts creator Tetsuya Nomura has announced that the next game in the Kingdom Hearts franchise will be titled Kingdom Hearts: Sum of the First 50 Primes To The Power of The Floor Function of Pi.

“I’m sure some fans can probably guess what the story will entail based on the title alone,” joked Nomura, fumbling with a calculator. “But rest assured, there are a lot more surprises to come!”

Rumors of the game have been swirling for months, but details of the gameplay and storyline of the spin-off remain unclear, with industry insiders suggesting that developers are concerned about a western release.

“Mr. Nomura has been absolutely adamant about the title of this game, but many higher ups at Square Enix are worried about the meaning being lost on English-speaking markets,” said ResetEra tipster ApricotSqueeze. “Tetsuya apparently wrote a 50-page thesis explaining the title’s relevance to the plot, but all of the executives are too scared to attempt even reading it.”

Fans of the series have been adamant that the title must be retained in the English translation and have been taking appropriate action ahead of the game’s release.

“I applied for an Undergraduate Mathematics degree as soon as the news leaked, and I got my acceptance letter from Georgia Tech just yesterday,” said Kingdom Hearts fan Charlie Toland. “Obviously I’m nervous about moving to Atlanta, and the college payments aren’t going to be cheap, but some things are more important than financial stability or your own home.”

At press time, Square Enix have announced their intention to provide scholarships to Kingdom Hearts fans to keep up with the rising levels of subtitle complexity.