PELICAN TOWN – Stardew Valley developer Eric “ConcernedApe” Barone has used update 1.6 to shadowdrop a new massively-multiplayer mode for the game in which up to 60 players all compete to win the heart of Sebastian, one of the game’s most deliberately unattainable bachelors.
A nerdy, emo shut-in who lives with his mother and stepfather, Sebastian is one of 6 bachelors in Pelican Town who players can eventually marry. He’s widely considered one of the more difficult prospective romances in Stardew Valley, both due to his taste in gifts and his tendency to shut himself inside his mother’s basement.
“I didn’t think people would respond to Sebastian as well as they have,” ConcernedApe said. “Something about a character who spends 19 hours a day locked indoors playing computer games really resonated with the Stardew audience. Go figure.”
In the Bachelor Royale minigame, 60 players are all airdropped into their late grandfather’s abandoned farm and must immediately seek Sebastian’s hand in marriage. Players are permanently removed from the competition if their health or relationship with Sebastian falls to zero. Deliberate sabotage is allowed and encouraged, which can include ruining one another’s crops, purposefully causing arguments between Sebastian and his stepfather Demetrius, or murdering other players with a pickaxe.
“Sebastian’s emotional distance is what made him the perfect candidate for Bachelor Royale,” ConcernedApe said. “Players will have to organize their lives around his schedule and really make use of the map. I tried a version of this with Leah, who lives just one screen south from the player’s farm, but that was like the Battle of the Somme with sprite graphics. I don’t want to talk about it.”
The news was revealed barely 30 minutes ahead of the theorized launch time for Stardew Valley’s latest content patch, which was enough time for dedicated Stardew players to put together their battle plans.
“Oh, I’m all in on this,” said SleepyTea, a professional streamer. “I’ve played 2,000 hours of Stardew just to ‘chill and chat’ with my audience. I know exactly where to go to get enough Obsidian to max out my relationship values in the first week, and if any of my subscribers get between me and that floppy-haired little twink, I will unleash absolute hell. The time of cozy gaming is over. Now only Chaos reigns in Pelican Town.”
The Bachelor Royale winner will reportedly unlock a new scene where they meet Sebastian’s long-absent dad, while still covered in the blood of those they’ve slain.
