By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be released on Switch.
Well, if that sounds too good to be true, that’s because it sadly is. After months of leaks and baseless speculation (heck, even the official Nintendo Twitter account shared a rumor that the game would be released on September 18), no Mario 3D All Stars ever materialized. And while some fanboys are holding out hope that the game might still see the light of day, here’s 5 reasons why those “3D Mario Collection” Rumors are false!
- If this game was real, how come we haven’t seen it in stores? Target, WalMart, Best Buy – absolutely no one has it for sale. You mean to tell me a collection of 20+ year old games are so popular that the biggest retailers can’t keep them in stock? Yeah right. Sounds made up to us.
- If it was real, Nintendo would have announced the game in a general Direct. Fact: There hasn’t been a general Direct in over a year! Sure, there’s been partner showcases (including one in August that was so terrible, I’ve been flat out ignoring everything from Nintendo since then). But no real Directs.
- Nintendo’s next game is Metroid Prime 4. Fan’s have been hotly anticipating this one since 2017. Obviously, Nintendo would never jerk us around for years, without even so much as a progress update, right? Clearly Metroid, and not a silly Mario collection, is the next game in the queue.
- We’ve suffered a traumatic brain injury. We’ll admit that it is possible, although highly unlikely, that the Mario game has been released and we forgot about it. We were in a terrible biking accident that severely damaged our short-term memory. Sometimes we forget things right after they happen. Additionally, we should also mention that we were in a horrible biking accident that damaged our short-term memory.
- Super Mario Sunshine is dumb. No one wants to play that game, so why would that be included as one of the three Mario games in a 3D collection? It just makes absolutely no sense. You run around shooting water? Come the fuck on.
Based on the facts, there’s simply no conceivable truth to the outrageous rumors. But in the interest of fairness, we’ll check back again around April or so and see if we can find the game available for purchase then. But, we’re not going to hold our breath! Especially because our body is pretty weak after that biking accident.
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