From what I understand, the fanbase of the “United States Presidential Election” series is disappointed with the previews of the newest installment releasing this year, which is shaping to be an updated re-release of the previous entry. Like Super Smash Bros., a lot of this franchise’s appeal comes from the wide roster of characters who have appeared over its history, and speculating over who will be next. What’s the point in releasing a new installment if it’s going to be the same characters as before?
Like all true gamers, I know that video games have never been political and never will be. But for some reason, despite this fact a lot of video games have had presidents in them. Maybe a third-party (as in “Sonic the Hedgehog,” not “Libertarian”) guest character is what the franchise needs to bring back the fans? I’ve taken a look at various video game presidents based on how alluring they’d be in this current election. Note that many of these characters aren’t President of the United States, but they’re president of something, and presidencies are basically interchangeable, right?
20. President Ronnie (Bad Dudes)
He’s definitely the sort of likable candidate you could see yourself having a beer (or at least a burger) with. And I certainly don’t want to speak ill of the victim of a tragic ninja-kidnapping. But for some reason, I can’t help but feel like if this fictional character was ever actually President, his policies would cause lasting damage to society for decades to come.
19. John Henry Eden (Fallout 3)
John Henry Eden wants to poison the water supply to kill everyone the Enclave considers mutants, instead of doing it for the economic benefits like a real President would. Through the power of Bethesda writing, he’ll also kill himself if you ask him nicely enough, which doesn’t inspire confidence in his ability to serve a full term. But where he really loses my vote is, to be honest, I just don’t want the President of the United States to be a computer. Or, failing that, I at least don’t want the computer President to sound like Malcolm McDowell attempting a Southern accent.
18. Dick Richardson (Fallout 2)
Like John Henry Eden, Richardson wants to kill all the mutants, by which he means almost everybody. Unlike Eden, though, he’s a human being, and in a better game, which I guess would make him the lesser-evil candidate between the two. That said, it’s worth mentioning Richardson trusts a lot of the mutant-killing with Frank Horrigan, a giant Super Mutant. The attack ads pretty much write themselves with that kind of open hypocrisy.
17. Philip Mead (Deus Ex)
The original Deus Ex was set in a world where every conspiracy theory you could think of was true. This is because, like The X-Files and Men in Black before it, it was a product of a more innocent time when conspiracy theories were actually kind of fun. They involved more aliens and less harassing grieving parents.
The problem with Mead isn’t that he’s a puppet of Majestic 12, or that he allowed a man-made plague to infect the American people to sell them vaccines. It’s that half the country already thinks those things about Joe Biden. When your uncle’s Facebook feed is calling every candidate a Satanic baby-eater, how is one the conspiracy theorists are 100% right about even supposed to stand out? Forget rigging the election, the shadow government would need to use all its power just to keep this polygonal John Kasich from withdrawing after the Iowa caucus.
16. Ronald Sung (Alpha Protocol)
As the President of Taiwan, Sung is a vocal supporter of Taiwan declaring formal independence from the People’s Republic of China, which…hmm, no, I can’t make that joke. Maybe I could turn it around to…no, wait, that’s even worse. Can see the angry comments now. I know, I’ll say both sides are bad, just like on South Par…oh, what am I even saying?
Look, I just want Sega to relist Alpha Protocol, all right? It’s a janky mess of a game, but I love it and wish more games reacted to your choices as well as it did. I’d tell you to go buy it right now, but you can’t. Pretend I said something you agree with and let’s move on.
15. Cristina Warren (Detroit: Become Human)
She’s willing to regulate AI, which is a plus, but she’s also willing to send the military into Detroit, which kind of cancels that out. Most importantly, though, there’s something about her appearance that gives me the strangest feeling that she would lose an election against Donald Trump.
14. Player Character (This Is the President)
In this management game that is absolutely not about anyone in particular, you play as a corrupt businessman who becomes President for the sole purpose of amending the Constitution to say Presidents can’t be arrested for anything ever. This unnamed guy doesn’t do much in terms of actual governing and policy, and I’m not really sure if that’s intentional commentary or not.
I’ve got to be honest, when I got near the end of this game it soft-locked, there was music playing but nothing to interact with. This was a while ago, maybe they’ve patched it, but it pissed me off. I’m forced to assume if this mystery man became President for real, he would cause a similar soft-lock in reality and end time as we know it. Perhaps it was divine punishment for his hubris. He sought to rewrite the law to live in a world where his actions have no consequences, and now he is condemned to an eternity in a world where they truly do not. Yes, that’s what it meant. The developers were geniuses all along. I didn’t spend money on a buggy game.
13. Rosalind Myers (Cyberpunk 2077)
The world of Cyberpunk is a thoroughly miserable place. President Myers isn’t to blame for that, but as the CEO of an arms manufacturer turned war hawk President with dreams of conquering her neighbors, she is emblematic of the inherent rot of the setting. The pro-Myers voter may argue, “The world’s heading towards cyberpunk dystopia anyway, might as well commit to it so at least we’ll look cool.” And if the election comes down purely to aesthetics, fine. I’ll take the corporate hellscape where I can at least be a cool future man with a non-Elon Musk computer in my brain. Still, in the grand scheme of things I’d like my Presidents of the non-dystopian variety, please.
12. Howard Ackerman (Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3)
Too moderate.
11. Max (Sam & Max Save the World)
Max is a sociopathic cartoon rabbity thing who, through a series of contrived point-and-click adventure puzzles, was given control of a significant portion of the world’s nuclear weapons. He is also likely the most honest President the US has ever had. Max is a transparently awful excuse for a head of state, but he’ll never for a moment pretend to be anything else, and there’s a certain appeal in that. Max won an election against Abraham Lincoln, defeating Biden and Trump would be child’s play by comparison. That said, rumor is he’s a cop, albeit of the freelance variety. You crack me up, little buddy, but you’re not getting my vote.
10. President Shinra (Final Fantasy VII)
President Shinra is the line that the rest of this list is measured by. As the head of an energy company so large it functions as the de facto government, under his rule state interests and corporate interests are one and the same. He is slowly killing the planet by extracting its resources in the name of profit, and he is willing to bomb neighborhoods of innocent people if it advances his agenda. In other words, he is exactly as desirable as the current batch of real-life candidates. If the election comes down between Shinra and Biden, I’m flipping a coin. This means nothing but preferable Presidents from here on out.
9. Aaron Kimball (Fallout: New Vegas)
Jeez, the Fallout series has a lot of presidents, doesn’t it?
Kimball is the President of the New California Republic and not the Enclave, which automatically puts him ahead of the Fallout Presidents earlier on this list. Of course, his administration is also responsible for the NCR’s planned annexation of New Vegas, which is still a bit too imperialist for me.
But maybe that’s because the territory he controls is relatively small. Maybe if he was in charge of the present-day United States, he’d be so happy about his unambiguous ownership of the Hoover Dam that he’d have no further expansionist desires whatsoever. But I’m not counting on it.
8. Mr. President (Sonic Adventure 2)
I mean just look at the presidential jawline.
He keeps a framed picture of Sonic and Shadow on his desk, so you know he’s a cool person. You also can’t find a more electable-sounding name than “Mr. President,” although it’d be confusing in this case since he’s running against the incumbent President. That said, the first time we see this guy he’s on a video call with Dr. Eggman asking about his demands. Not only does Mr. President negotiate with terrorists, he does it super-casually. No cabinet meetings or anything, just call up the terrorist leader and see what he wants. I’ve gone through more formal channels just to make plans for the weekend than Mr. President does to determine the future of his nation’s sovereignty.
7. Tarquin Soll (Suzerain)
Suzerain is, without a doubt, the greatest visual novel about being the president of a fantasy version of 1950s Turkey ever made. With the main character being a political blank slate for the player, though, I have no choice but to look at the politics of the game’s most prominent non-player president. Tarquin Soll united a nation torn apart by civil war, restored democracy, and nationalized several key industries under the belief that public good mattered more than corporate profits.
Then again, Soll’s idea of a healthy democracy has only one relevant party, while all Americans know for true freedom you need exactly two. In addition, his treatment of Sordland’s Bludish minority is frequently denounced by critics as a genocide. The genocide supporter vote is already split as is. If a third candidate showed up to divide it further, you might as well just hand the election to some really weird fourth guy who doesn’t like genocide.
6. Adam Benford (Resident Evil 6)
His willingness to tell the world about what happened in Raccoon City demonstrates an admirable commitment to transparency in government, as well as an opposition to biological weaponry. That said, while I like his stance on the issues, I just don’t think he has the charisma to win over the average voter. In public appearances he comes off as a real zombie.
5. Player Character (Saints Row IV)
This mysterious custom character’s past as a gang leader would definitely hurt their chances in the polls. It would violate the sanctity of the office for the President to be a criminal, or at least the regular kind of criminal. If it’s the war kind, that’s just part of the job description.
Still, from what little Presidenting the game contains, they seem to be an effective if unorthodox head of state. You’re given the choice to sign a law that will either cure cancer or end world hunger, demonstrating a clear interest in serving the public good either way. The main character then proceeds to punch an opposing Congressman below the belt. Depending on his views and yours, this is either a troubling act of meeting dissent with violence that sets a disturbing precedent for the future of civil public discourse, or extremely based. Then the aliens attack, everything gets sillier, and you’re left reminding yourself that this series was once a Grand Theft Auto clone. Presumably their administration would follow a similar path in real life. One extremely good policy decision, then three years and 364 days of whatever.
4. Solidus Snake (Metal Gear Solid 2)
Even if his plan to do something about it was just a tiny bit complicated, Solidus wanted real solutions to a pressing issue of the modern world. The advance of artificial intelligence and the Internet threatens to flood us with an unstoppable feed of misinformation that will ruin the collective knowledge and freedom of humanity as we know it. He also has Doctor Octopus arms, so that’s a plus too. That said, I’d still rather have a candidate who hasn’t trained child soldiers.
3. Die-Hardman (Death Stranding)
An unflinching loyal idealist committed to the idea of rebuilding America in the aftermath of a catastrophe and helping the common man. Also, it would be really funny to watch him give the State of the Union.
2. Michael Wilson (Metal Wolf Chaos)
Metal Wolf Chaos is easily FromSoftware’s second-best game, after their obvious magnum opus, The Adventures of Cookie & Cream. Every US President swears an oath to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, but they never truly live to those words. Every President seems to love sending other people to kill and to die for their country, but only one sitting President was ever willing to personally fight for it while still in office. It was George Washington during the Whiskey Rebellion, and even then it’s kind of debatable how much of a good thing that was.
Not only is Michael Wilson canonically the 47th President (which would mean he comes after Biden), he’s the only President in over two centuries willing to place his country over his own personal comfort and safety. When his own running mate spearheads an authoritarian coup out to kill him (you know, far-fetched video game stuff) and end American freedom as we know it, Wilson doesn’t take it lying down. He personally puts himself in harm’s way fighting to protect his country, and he does it all while piloting a giant robot. There is no question that Michael Wilson is a hero: a depiction of American values so idealistic he could only have been made in Japan.
So why isn’t he at the top of this list? Well, the game never explained his tax policy.
1. Earl Browder (Hearts of Iron IV)
I have never played or heard of this game before (some kind of first-person shooter, I guess?), but it seems like this fictional video game character believes in a lot of great stuff! “Full Desegregation,” “Accumulated Wealth Tax Act,” “Guarantee the American Dream…” this guy isn’t just another politician. It seems like he genuinely stands for creating a better society. If we had a real President who believed in the things Earl Browder does, the world would be a better place.
