Well it’s New Year’s Eve and you’re alone once again, just like you were last year, and the year before that. I know at times like this it’s tempting to let the inescapable loneliness consume you until you’re on the floor crying in the fetal position, but perhaps there’s another option.
Here’s a list of ten games you could play into the new year to help ease that pain of being forever alone. I intend to finally play Digimon Survive tonight, a game I was gifted long ago and completely forgot I had. I think the following games though will really help you embrace that solitary feeling you’re experiencing and make the most out of it.
Bioshock
Now while you may not be alone in the underground city of rapture it sure feels like it. No spoilers for this increasingly old game, but as you walk around and try to keep your cool you may find that it’s not unlike navigating a rowdy NYE party. It’s dark, all kinds of insane people are jumping out at you possibly trying to kiss you. Whether you’re out at a party tonight or at home staring at your television in the dark while a Big Daddy lurks around the corner, keep that head on a swivel!
Portal
A classic game for a sad sap like yourself. At least the portal games have fun quirky robots to keep you company. Sure they really just want you to die in the end, but so do your ‘so called’ friends who are out partying right now. Instead of going out and dealing with other people competing with you to kiss that special someone you wish you had, why not stay safe at home while trying to complete puzzles for GLaDOS? Who knows, you might just be able to steal a kiss at the end!
Luigi’s Mansion
Sure you’ll feel pretty isolated walking around this big mansion trying to bust some ghosts, but it’s a noble mission you’re on! You gotta save your brother! What better way to ring in the new year than with family? Virtual animated Nintendo family I mean. You don’t need a real family. You’re real brother is probably out right now getting hammered on tequila sunrises, screw that guy! Mario needs you!
Minesweeper
Minesweeper is endless entertainment. It’s also always been there for you, unlike a former lover. We both know who I’m talking about. Minesweeper never left, it’s waiting for you to come back to it. Let those little colored numbers count down your new year, you won’t regret it.
Hitman
Let’s face it, you’re home right now because you hate people, and know one hates people quite like Agent 47. The Hitman games allow you to act out your fantasies of going to lavish or exotic locations and subtly murdering people. Imagine that party you’re not going to and think of how you could show up, sneak around, and kill that guy Trent you hate!
L.A. Noire
The bad news is that you don’t have any friends, the good news is that in L.A. Noire you’re assigned a friend! Well sort of, you get a partner though and that’s better than a friend. It’s their job to keep you company and make sure you don’t go off the deep end. Boy do you need it too! Just like Cole Phelps, no one understands you, no one knows the horrors you’ve seen and what you’ve had to sacrifice. This city is a cesspool of crime and violence, you’re better off staying inside and trying to crack some cases while cheating on your wife with a German jazz singer.
The Forest
Sure you can play the Forest with other people, but you’re not going to, are you? You’re going to wander around looking for your son before giving up after an hour and then just building yourself a nice cabin, maybe even build yourself your own little Times Square with a ball that drops! Happy new year!
Sports Betting
We’ve established that your life sucks and is bad, yes? So how do we make it better? By putting our faith in strangers playing a child’s game. Maybe you were hoping to throw your own party this year and didn’t have the money. Well once you hit this 15 leg parlay on the football games, basketball, and swedish women’s soccer, you’re going to be so rich you can throw a new years party every month this year!
Death Stranding
Have you ever considered just going solo in a new post apocalyptic environment? Maybe that’s all you need to feel better going into the new year. If you think about it you’re really doing more important work here than that tool Ryan Seacrest is doing in New York right now. He’s just telling a ball to drop? Meanwhile you’re escorting a special orange baby! You should be hosting Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin Eve!
Solitaire
I give you the GOAT of games to play when you have no one. Everyone knows how to play it, it’s a timeless classic. Don’t come at me saying that you don’t know how to play Solitaire because if that were true you wouldn’t be reading this list. You’d be out there getting to first base with that sexy little someone you met at your brother’s wedding. But you aren’t, you’re alone and ready to match up those spades!
See you next year, when I update this list for you, as I know you’ll need it at the end of 2024 as well.
