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Here’s Every 1 Star Yelp Review of My Rollercoaster Tycoon Amusement Park


Sure, my Rollercoaster Tycoon Amusement Park got a fair amount of 1 Star reviews. But there are a lot of great reviews, too. A ton, actually. They’re just not…here. Don’t go to the Yelp page and check, it’d be a huge waste of your time. Take my word for it — people love this place. Come visit the park and see for yourself! It only costs $48 to get in. I promise you’ll never forget your trip!

This place is really gross

Guest 511

This park has some fun rides, but my god, the barf. It’s everywhere, and it’s disgusting. I had to throw my shoes away when I got home. If you absolutely must visit this place, wear rubber waders.

Price gouging!!!

Guest 24

I paid $22 to get into the park, even though the price said $18 when I left the house. I was two feet away from the entrance when they jacked the price up. It happened almost instantly. I got this weird vibe they were trying to keep their sales totals as a round number or something. Plus, I’m supposed to pay an additional $2 per ride on top of that?? One star.

Just pick one song please

Guest 390

This park is a complete sensory overload. Every single ride has a different themed music playing and it’s incredibly grating. I had to sit in silence for three days after I got home just so I could feel normal again.

Big brother?

Guest 666

Someone was watching me the entire time I was in the park. I could feel it.

Family vacation ruined 🙁

Guest 772

Came to this park hoping for an amazing family vacation. Instead, three of my uncles and one cousin died in a giant ball of fire after their cars shot off the end of a too-short looping coaster. The park didn’t even offer any condolences. They literally just rebuilt the ride and reopened the next day — couldn’t even be bothered to change the name! Now they’re advertising harder than ever and offering free rides on the death coaster. Obviously, I’m planning to take legal action.

There really is a LOT of puke

Guest 1053

I know it’s been said, but I had to leave my own review to confirm there is a LOT of puke in this park. The guys who are paid to clean it up seem way more interested in mowing the grass. But when they finally decide to do something, they’re SWEEPING THE BARF WITH BROOMS. Like…get a mop, bro. Sick.

No rain protection!

Guest 126

Poured rain during my visit and the park doesn’t offer any umbrellas. I complained to one of the workers and he said they hope to have them soon but the owner has to “do more research.” I don’t understand what’s so difficult about stopping people from getting soaked while they wait in line to give you money.

Nowhere to sit

Guest 299

It feels like every convenient bench in this park has been broken by vandals. Nowhere to sit after coming off an extremely intense ride like the Ferris Wheel.

Get real food please!

Guest 619

Planned to spend an entire day at the park, but all they have to eat is cotton candy. Had two for breakfast and two for lunch, then horked them up on the sidewalk after a ride on the Merry-Go-Round. Not coming back until they have other food options and more broom guys.

Unexpected trauma bonding

Guest 467

Brought my son out for a special day, just the two of us. Hoped we could spend some time bonding; didn’t expect it to be over watching a maintenance man drown after the pathway he was walking on magically disappeared out from under him. Definitely ended up with a day we’ll never forget. Honestly, the park should be footing the bill for our family therapist.

Got a UTI

Guest 46

Park has no restrooms.


Guest 9

Posting this from my phone because I’ve been stuck in this park for over 10 years. No idea where the exit is. If anyone sees this, I’m wandering around in some hedges. Please send help.

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