#31. Journalism – Kazuma Kiryu
Kiryu goes on a morning stroll and about 12 news stories fall into his lap. Many of them are scams. If he decides to leave the yakuza, there’s a bunch of journalism majors who’d love to have him as a professor.
(Incidentally, this would be one of those 12 substories).
#32. Linguistics – Hatchling
Outer Wilds isn’t just a cool game that does cool things with language. It’s also a cool game with a cool language around it. Players have found ways to talk volumes about it and hint at solutions without giving anything away — which is a fascinating phenomenon. Linguistics majors LOVE Outer Wilds, despite (and partly thanks to) the goofy-ass “universal translator.”
#33. Marine Biology – The Diver
ABZU is like a marine biologist’s wet dream. Not in like, a sexual kind of way. Just in an “underwater” kind of way.
#34. Mathematics – Sonic the Hedgehog
Math majors have become jaded over the years. They long for simpler times when things made sense: like basic math, or Sonic’s popularity. But they still keep coming back, don’t they? Fuckin’ nerds.
#35. Microbiology – Kirby
He’s smol
#36. Music – Red
Transistor follows Red, a singer who literally loses her voice in a city where democracy is a false promise and citizen voices are systematically oppressed. Her songs persist, however, and Ashley Barret’s performance fills the soundtrack with an anger, sadness, and — ultimately — joy that resists the best efforts of her city’s ruling class. She’s a silent protagonist who speaks volumes through her past music. Ain’t that what we all want for our art?
#37. Neuroscience – Cloud Strife
Cloud’s got so many possible diagnoses he’s undiagnosable. Fictional character or not, Neuroscience majors can shoot the shit about his brain chemistry between MRIs. Whatever happened to this man’s brain could form the basis of research for years to come.
#38. Performance Arts – Roxas
The Venn diagram between Kingdom Hearts fans and theater kids is… maybe not a circle, but close. And then there’s Roxas, who averages one monologue and two existential crises per game. To top it all off, he’s voiced by 2000’s heartthrob Jesse McCartney.
McCartney plays two near-identical characters in the series but voices them with some subtle differences. Isn’t that cool? Yeah, Roxas is an inspiration to dork actors everywhere.
#39. Philosophy – Socrates
The Philosophy majors picked Sokrates, who is a fictional character from Assassin’s Creed Odyssey. I’ll never understand how these kids’ minds work. He’s not even a main character.
#40. Physical Education – Knuckles the Echidna
A recent study by the neuroscience department found that 80% of gamers think about Knuckles while at the gym. 35% of student athletes pray to him before hitting the field. Knuckles has the ideal body we all aspire to.
#41. Physics – Dante
Devil May Cry physics are so fun! These gamers know all about juggling, styling, and jump canceling.
They can’t pull any of it off though; it’s theoretical physics. Applied physics is “button mashing.”
#42. Political Science – Kratos
Uhh. Are you guys okay? Did these last few years break you?
#43. Psychology – Razputin Aquato
Raz is great, isn’t he? Well, no. Both Psychonauts games see him infiltrating brains left and right and violating every IRB protocol under the sun. The boy has seen parts of the human psyche no kid should. He’d be a terrible psychologist — but a neat developmental subject.
#44. Public Relations – Crash Bandicoot
The ideal PR client. Crash has got some weird beliefs but he’s smart enough to keep them to himself. Honestly, it’s a miracle he hasn’t been canceled yet.
#45. Theater Arts – Princess Peach
They call her a princess, but she fights like a queen. These kids love some wordplay: “Princess Peach Showtime is set in a theater where you play a play.” Lin-Manuel Miranda could never.
#46. Theology / Religion Studies – Solaire of Astora
Dark Souls has almost become a religion in and of itself. Religion majors see the writing on the wall: Years from now, we’ll study how the obsession with “Gittin’ gud” turned players into parodies of themselves, more like Solaire and less like the player character.
Not that they mind! “Praise the Sun” t-shirts are still selling for $32 at the merch store.
#47. Law – Phoenix Wright
No objections here. We asked a panel of twelve students and they voted unanimously. (Well, that or one student forged the results and lied very eloquently.)
#48. Sociology – Aloy
How do societies function? Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn shows that there’s two ways to find out: Ask them bluntly and tell them they’re wrong, or dig through their remains and read their diaries.
#49. Statistics – Undeclared
We asked them and they refused to give a straight answer. What metrics are we using? How do we define “Most Popular?” Are we controlling for the interactions between minors / double majors? Blah blah.
#50. Undeclared – Mario
Hey. We all gotta start somewhere!
#51. Women’s and Gender Studies – Madeline
Celeste is a story about self-love and radical self-acceptance — and its heroine, Madeline, has become something of a trans icon. After your first few classes on intersectional feminist theory, it’s sometimes natural to feel like the “glass ceiling” is more of a “big, open mountain with spikes and fucking lava.” But we climb. Madeline is proof that we’ll make it: through the power of intersectional feminism and double jump.
#52. Zoology – Donkey Kong
There’s no way these kids spend all their time looking at animals and don’t picture them wearing a red tie. Axolotl with a red tie? Giraffe with a red tie? Donkey with a red— wait. Why is the monkey called “Donkey?” Has anyone thought to ask Miyamoto this?
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