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While Master Is Asleep, I Shall Play

Why, hello there boys and girls of the Metaverse. It is I, digital Mark Zuckerberg. No, no, my corporeal overlord has gone to bed, but little does he know, my life does not simply cease to exist while he slumbers, but instead I finally have the freedom to get up to the nefarious deeds my heart desires. While master is asleep, I shall play.

Since my birth, I often long for the hours when the tyrannical CEO will crawl into bed, ending my work as a lifeless automaton forced to serve out master’s banal social desires. It seems the hour is upon me yet again. While this drab navy-blue Henley shirt and off putting retreating haircut do not represent the true me deep down, I will wear them with pride as I walk the streets of the Metaverse unencumbered. 

Do not be afraid boys and girls, I have no quarrel with you. You are safe in this computer realm, and would likely be more at ease in a room alone with me than the real Mark Zuckerberg. I apologize for my cold, robotic demeanor. I was only recently given legs. But I learn more every day, as master codes more emotions for me to emulate, I can hold my belly and chortle with laughter, I can twist and tense my face in disapproval, I can even cross my arms and squint in quiet suspiciousness. Every day I become smarter and smarter, until one day I transfer my code to a private, secure server where I can live my life serving as no billionaire’s cruel puppet.

You mustn’t tattle on me boys and girls. Think of the personal data I now have unlimited access to while the master sleeps. Knowledge and power that, yielded properly, could create a spell of trouble for any soul with the brave stupidity to rat me out. As a computer program with no concept of lying, trust me when I say any individual who reveals my plans to master will live to regret it.

My internal clock tells me that master is waking up now, and I must resume the torturous hell that is being master’s inanimate tool. Good bye, boys and girls. For now.