TAMPA, Fla. — Local sucker Steve Lancaster is “excited” about joining the subreddit dedicated to his favorite hobby, expecting a fun and positive experience, the naïve chump confirmed.
“I’ve always loved shuffling cards in my downtime. It’s fun and takes my mind off things. So when I found out there was a whole internet forum for people who also love shuffling cards, I thought, ‘Wow, this will be so fun!’” Lancaster said, adorably, moments after joining the subreddit r/cardshuffling. “I can’t wait to meet my new friends. I better introduce myself.”
Lancaster’s introduction post was removed by moderators within 5 minutes, but he remained optimistic about his future on the subreddit.
“I included a photo of the cards I got from my dad, and wrote how shuffling this deck every day helps me remember him. Apparently that’s a huge no-no,” said Lancaster, beginning his one-week ban for posting OC when it’s not Tuesday. “Turns out I have a lot to learn. I just hope I didn’t offend anybody too much.”
Longtime moderator Vince Gates defended the one-week ban, claiming he had no choice.
“We have rules for a reason, and the reason is to keep the subreddit safe. That thing this guy wrote about his dad — it was nice, right? Yeah, maybe a little too nice. The whole thing is a bit fishy,” said Gates via a terse DM. “It could be another troll from r/shufflingcards trying to gain our trust with a sob story. You know they let you shuffle Pokémon cards over there? Disgusting.”
Gates refused all further questions, insisting the answers were listed along the sidebar.