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Twitter Celebrates 15 Years of Jack Dorsey Going Through It

SAN FRANCISCO — Twitter reached an important milestone this month, celebrating the 15 consecutive years that founder Jack Dorsey has really been going through some shit.

“Whether he’s showing up to Congress looking like he hasn’t slept, or just giving off the general vibe that he’s having a rough time, one thing has always been consistent: Jack is down pretty bad,” said a spokesperson for the company. “We just want to congratulate him on 15 long years of going through it. Hang in there, buddy.”

Longtime employees reminisced about Dorsey, the billionaire who has taken shifting roles at Twitter over the years because he needed some space to figure stuff out.

“You look back to the early days, and it’s like, wow, that was 15 years ago? Jack looks like it’s been 30,” said programmer Terence Quayle. “So much has changed since those early days, like his nose ring. But plenty of stuff is the same, too, like his hair and the sense that he’s going through a difficult period.”

Twitter has faced harsh criticism from all sides since its founding, but when asked how the controversy has affected Dorsey, sources were reluctant to say.

“You have to think all the angry comments bother him, right? Or maybe he’s over that whole thing. I don’t know,” said Quayle. “All I know for sure is something has been haunting the guy since he founded this website, and no amount of wealth or meditation will be able to expel it. We’ve all been there.”

Dorsey could not be reached for comment, due to some outside stuff that has been taking up a lot of his emotional bandwidth.

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