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The Dark Side of Accessibility: Will The Xbox Adaptive Controller Let Perverts Play Fortnite With Their Dicks?

Hello, gamers. We all love accessibility in video games. Allowing video games to be played and enjoyed by all is essential, so when gaming companies take strides to ensure everyone can partake in gaming is always a great sight to see. But often, progress comes at a cost. With the new Xbox Adaptive controller, the question must be asked: will perverts be able to play Fortnite with the dicks?

Gamers, we’re as curious as you are. It’s genuinely heartwarming to think of someone with a disability using the adaptive controller to take in a medium that was previously difficult, or even impossible, but what if, stay with us here, some filthy degenerate uses this inclusive controller with their phallus? And if this unholy hypothetical is possible, can they be stopped? 

Sure, it’s not the most effective nor efficient way of playing video games, but it’s about the principle. Now gamers everywhere must ponder if the person that just headshot them in Tilted Towers did so by clumsily swiping their penis on the controller. Maybe the worst part is not knowing. The question of whether or not your in-game killer has been mercilessly gunning down other players with their flaccid member is a dark Pandora’s box that now must be unfortunately opened.

Gamers, we humbly ask you to keep this secret. Do not tell anybody of this dark, shady underbelly to accessibility in video games, let the rest of the world live in sweet, blissful ignorance. As always, we shall bear this troublesome knowledge together, and work tirelessly in the shadows to stop these sick perverts at all costs.

The most important thing is to not be tempted over to the enemy side. Though you may see the adaptive controller and consider its possibilities, you must resist its siren’s call and keep your jeans zipped and buttoned while gaming. If not for us, for your fellow gamers everywhere. God bless you.