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Sony Shocks Courtroom by Declaring Itself Rubber, Microsoft Glue, in Ongoing Battle Over Activision Merger

TOKYO — A stunning turn of events occurred in the ongoing dispute between Sony and Microsoft over the latter’s acquisition of Call of Duty publisher Activision today, when Sony declared itself rubber and its opponents glue for the remainder of their legal dispute over the controversial merger. 

“Your honor, if it pleases the court, I would like to point out that henceforth, anything [Microsoft] says will bounce off of us and will stick to them,” said Sony lawyer Chuck Holder in a hearing held today as part of the ongoing lawsuit concerning the potential deal. 

“Not only would this merger give Microsoft an unfair advantage over the entire market, with its control over the most popular franchise in gaming and the ability to give us poopoo versions of it,” he continued. “It would also constitute a major violation of a previous ‘no takebacks’ agreement we all agreed to over pizza one night.” 

Microsoft, in turn, offered a stark rebuttal to the latest allegation. 

“Objection, your honor!” interjected Microsoft lawyer Brian Spearman. “Hearsay! Also, it takes one to know one!” 

As of press time, the judge had ruled in Sony’s favor and ordered a short recess so that Microsoft could adjust to being made out of glue for the remainder of the proceedings. 


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