WILDWOOD, Miss. — As the helplessness of his situation finally began to sink in, a single speck of dust trapped beneath the freshly applied screen protector of a newly purchased Nintendo Switch OLED Model has reportedly settled in for the big sleep.
“Well, it’s been a fun ride but looks like it’s finally curtains for me,” said the dust speck, with a sense of morose quietude usually reserved for those who know their fate is completely sealed. “The walls are closing in. All of the air bubbles are being squeezed out, hurried along to somewhere else. Farewell, air bubbles! Send me a postcard from wherever you’re headed! Sorry, though, I can’t join you. I should be so lucky. No, here nuzzled up against these blinking lights is where I will remain for the rest of my days. Nothing left to do now but think and wait for the ol’ Sandman to come and tuck me in for good. I’m coming home soon, ma!”
Leading manufacturers of screen protectors go to great lengths to include dust-removing stickers, microfiber cloths, and elaborate applicator mechanisms in their screen protector sets to avoid these unfortunate but all-too-common circumstances.
“It’s a tragedy whenever a speck of dust is permanently imprisoned under glass like some specimen in a lab,” said Dana Eames, a spokesperson for screen protector manufacturer Zagg. “And yet it remains true that, when faced with a chance to save a lone speck of dust trapped beneath their otherwise pristine screen protector, the majority of the population would willfully ignore this important issue. I understand that protecting costly electronic devices is a priority for most people, but what does it say about our society? What if it was your neighbor, or your own son trapped under there? Would you be as callous as you are to the specks of dust? I hope not, and yet knowing how many specks of dust are trapped out there, I pray for the future of our country.”
At press time, Eames added that anyone feeling remorse about dust specks trapped beneath their screen protectors are welcome to show contrition by ordering a replacement screen protector on Zagg’s webstore.