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Opinion: What Did You Kids Do to This Damn Computer?

Hey, it’s Dad. How come every time I ask you what you guys did to the dang computer you ignore my text or change the subject or tell me that I don’t understand how Windows works? I have taken out some space in this goddamn nerd website to finally ask you once and for all: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU KIDS DO TO THIS DANG COMPUTER??

I used to be able to get on here and play my poker no problem, now when I get on here my avatar is a man’s ballsack. Who’s done this to me? Did you do this to me? Why have you done this to me? I bet you think this is really funny, don’t you? 

I didn’t realize the ballsack thing had happened until I logged on for the weekly game with the fellas, and needless to say, the guys had a field day with my ballsack profile picture. Once the comments began, I went to explain myself in the chat, but the words I typed just automatically changed to “I love my big ballsack face.” 

Again, and I’m not certain I have to tell you this part, but the guys were absolutely tickled with that admission. I’m not sure I want to play poker with the guys anymore after this. So, thanks for that, you frickin’ idiots. 

I hear you up in the middle of the night downstairs, making snacks and giggling with your friends. I know what you’re doing. You’re getting into my computer and messing with it, and it’s got to stop. I’m gonna take away your phones and Game Boys if you keep it up. Just try me, Mister. 

Oh and also, in addition to the poker thing, why and how the heck did someone rename all of my icons? They all got dang typos in them now! What the hell is a ‘resickul bin’? Which one of you brats was messing with this thing? How did you reprogram the spelling on all of these? I’m gonna have to take this whole computer into Circuit City, I just know it. There goes my Saturday. 

I’m taking you kids with me. See how you like having your time wasted. 

Whoa, okay. I just sent an email to your grandfather, and he called me because he was very upset. I guess there’s now a signature attached to all of my emails that informs the reader that I have renounced Jesus Christ as my personal savior and from now on will be worshiping only myself. I mean, guys, do I need to tell you how much that upset grandpa? Honestly, who made it so the computer said I renounced Christ? Who did it? If you’re not gonna tell me,  I’ll just ground all of you. I’m serious. 

Editor’s Note: Are you this man’s son? What did you do to his dang computer? Sound off in the comments!!