REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft announced today that the company’s Bing search engine was celebrating the milestone of having a dozen simultaneous users for the first time since its release in 2009.
“Many people laughed when we said we’d reach this milestone within the first 20 years, and look at us now,” said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella. “Six years to spare! Who’s laughing now? We think we can use this tremendous momentum and continue growing into the new year. We have our sights set on the big 2-0 come 2024. Let’s go, Bing!”
Nadella thanked Bing users repeatedly and insisted this milestone was impossible without the search engine’s dedicated fanbase.
“Between the people using it because it’s built-in to a device they don’t fully understand and the people that misspelled the word ‘binge’ in their Google search,” he continued. “We have built a strong network of loyal users, and we look forward to providing them with search results that are more or less what you’d see on Google. No, seriously.”
As of press time, Microsoft offices had digressed into a raucous party atmosphere after it was discovered a user in Duluth, Minnesota had uninstalled Google Chrome in order to use Microsoft Edge as their internet browser of choice.