Press "Enter" to skip to content

Mad Catz Releases Cheaper, Less Cool COVID-19 Vaccine

SAN DIEGO — The CDC has approved a new, clunky, not that effective, COVID-19 vaccination that has been developed by Mad Catz, a company known primarily for video game accessories prior to their recent expansion into medicine. 

“It’s not nearly as good as the vaccines we’ve approved previously,” said Grant Snyder, a Senior Executive of the CDC. “But technically, yes, it is a vaccine against COVID-19. In the same way you could technically use a tennis racket as a flyswatter. I guess it’s better than nothing, but you really need to be careful out there if the only protection against this virus is something made by Mad Catz, for god’s sake.” 

Representatives from Mad Catz defended their company’s reputation as they expanded their services. 

“Look, we’re realistic here at Mad Catz,” said Darren Richardson, president and CEO of Mad Catz Interactive, through a microphone that was on the fritz. “We know we’re nobody’s first, second, or third choice when it comes to video game peripherals or vaccines that are effective against the transmission of the Coronavirus. But what do you want for twenty bucks, you know? That’s our whole thing here at Mad Catz.”

“If we gave a fuck we’d spell Cats with an ‘S,’” he added. 

Gamers familiar with the company’s reputation were confused by their expansion into healthcare. 

“Wait, they never even figured out how to make good controllers after decades, why on earth would they get into the business of medicine?” asked Troy Woods, a gamer that said they wouldn’t take a vaccine distributed by Mad Catz. “I remember getting one of their XBox 360 controllers for my birthday one year. My horse in Red Dead Redemption was pulling to the left by the second mission! And none of the shoulder buttons ever worked right. I wouldn’t trust this company to make a paperweight let alone a vaccine against an infectious disease.” 

As of press time, Johnson & Johnson had surprised the tech world and announced they were going to start making janky video game controllers.

Hello adventurer! Please collect five USD skins a month and head to our Patreon.
Become a patron at Patreon!