PITTSBURGH — A man stranded in the dark during a recent power outage reportedly used the light on the end of his vape pen to navigate the basement and gather emergency supplies, sources have confirmed.
“That was pretty murky down there, not going to lie,” said Terry Kelly, shortly after the ordeal. “I was using a lighter, but that wouldn’t stay lit, and then I realized I could just use my vape pen light. It was great. Well, not great. It made everything all blue and I got fucking so fucking high I forgot what I was doing. But it did the job, there’s no doubt about that. Did you ask me a question or did I just start talking about this?”
Roommates of Kelly’s were impressed with his ingenuity and adventurous nature.
“Man, that’s just how that guy is,” said Raymond Jones, one of Kelly’s several housemates. “I don’t think I would’ve had the brains, or the nerve, frankly, to wander around in the basement by nothing but vape light. That’s so hardcore. He came up with some weird shit like dryer sheets and that old busted vacuum, but he also grabbed some candles and canned goods, so overall it was a help. Plus now he gets to be high as fuck.”
While the methodology proved effective, professionals warned against relying on vape pens as a light source for an extended amount of time.
“Of course there’s a literal light on the end there,” said Lauren Greene, a representative from Vape Canaveral Products, one of the leading distributors of vape pens in the area . “But come on, they’re just mostly there to look badass and let everyone around you know your whole deal. These aren’t meant to explore basements or anything like that. We can’t recommend that you use the light on the end of your vape pens to explore any kind of basements, caverns, or tombs. Use a torch or something.”
As of press time, the power came back on right when Kelly was finished telling his entire story.
