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Even Man Sucked Into Computer Unsure What Blockchain Is

THE GRID — Programmer Timothy Beck is reportedly still uncertain about the concept of the blockchain, despite recently getting trapped in a digital world inside his computer. 

“I’m not going to say it’s fun being chased through a personification of the world inside my motherboard, but at least I understood why the USB port was an actual airport,” said Beck as he wandered the blockchain on his lightcycle. “I just can’t make heads or tails of this place or why anyone would use it.”

Local operating system and tyrannical despot System X was puzzled at Beck’s inability to grasp the new technology.

“I’m no fan of this User and his idiotic dream of a free and open system, but even he should understand the concept of a digital ledger spread across a large network of computers that provides an immutable record of all transactions made on it,” said System X as they tortured an Excel spreadsheet for insubordination. “Perhaps he’ll understand the concept a little more after some time in the Ethereum Mines, which as we all know are actual mines here inside the computer.”

Despite this threat, Beck continued to question the utility of blockchain technology.

“As far as I can tell, this thing is some sort of bank or archive or DMV. All the programs I’ve met here are edgelords who keep talking about how awesome they’re going to be when they break into the mass market. I just barely learned to appreciate my wife and kids during all this, you can’t expect me to also learn the difference between Bitcoin and Litecoin.”

At press time, Beck was reportedly captured and imprisoned in a non-fungible token that is set to be sold at auction for $65 million.

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