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Elon Musk Graciously Gives Disabled Man New Lease on Life By Releasing Him From Twitter Employment

SAN FRANCISCO — Being lavished with praise from activist groups and online commenters, Twitter CEO Elon Musk bestowed an act of charity on disabled employee Haraldur Thorleifsson by releasing him from his employment at Twitter.

“I am completely sympathetic to the plight of disabled Americans, and I thought the least I could do is not make this man suffer the injustice of having to continue to work at my company,” Musk said in a statement today. “My heart breaks thinking of all those poor bastards that have to clock in every day at Twitter, but one by one, I promise I will save them by firing them publicly and without notice. Does this make me a hero? Well, yes. It does.”

Thorleiffsson said he appreciated the CEO’s act of mercy.

“For the longest time, I didn’t know if I was still employed at Twitter, and I just have to commend Mr. Musk for not making me keep my awful, grueling job,” Thorleiffson said on Twitter. “I was working crazy hours with no pay, so for him to finally cut me loose is a win for disabled people everywhere. I feel like I can do anything I want now, and I owe it all to Elon Musk for freeing me from the cruel, malevolent clutches of Elon Musk.”

Musk’s online fan base used the opportunity to praise their favorite tech billionaire.

“Just when you think the Americans With Disabilities Act is air tight, the real-life Tony Stark redefines the whole system,” Musk Fanpage Moderator Craig Groznic said. “He epically trolled disability laws and employment regulations everywhere, and the woke social justice warriors have nothing to say about it except pointing out the litany of laws he violated knowingly and publicly.”

At press time, inside sources at Twitter reported that Musk also included a very generous severance package for his employee, which will include millions after his discrimination lawsuit is settled.

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