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Best Buy Announces Plans to “Go All In” on Reese’s Pretzels Sold at Front

MINNEAPOLIS – Electronics retail chain Best Buy is pivoting to a “100% all in” focus on selling Reese’s Dipped Pretzels at the front cash registers, according to internal documents shared exclusively with Hard Drive.

“The landscape is always evolving, and Best Buy must remain on the cutting edge,” wrote CEO Corie Barry in a company wide email. “We’re phasing out physical media and renting store space to corporate partners, yes. But the future of our family must be milk chocolate and peanut butter pretzels that customers impulse buy as they’re checking out.”

Best Buy CFO Matt Bilunas argues that Reese’s Pretzels offer financial security in an increasingly volatile market.

“Are [Reese’s Pretzels] related to electronics in any way? They are not,” wrote Bilunas in a separate email. “Does the data show, thoroughly and unambiguously, the foodstuffs provide steady revenue where other sectors fluctuate unpredictably? It does.” Bilunas also provided graphs and charts, in orange and black colors.

Economist Vlad Simpson is “not surprised” by Best Buy’s transition.

“We download games, buy used appliances, and order printer ink off Amazon,” said Khosla. “But the brick-and-mortar model still works for that underutilized ‘running errands all day and could use just a little snack’ class of consumer.

“Frankly, other retailers should follow suit,” added Simpson. “I went to an REI the other day and left only with Sour Patch Kids and a Gatorade. It’s recession-proof.”

Sources also report that Best Buy is laying off 70% of their workforce, to make more room for “the pretzels and what the pretzels need for their success.”