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Apple Announces Plan to Reduce Waste by Not Including iPhone in Box

CUPERTINO, Calif. — After a slate of environmental initiatives such as no longer including wall chargers with new iPhone purchases, Apple recently announced they would be taking their initiatives one step further: removing the carbon footprint of the iPhone entirely by no longer including it in the box when customers purchase one.

“We started our campaign to save the environment by removing the wall charger,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook, loading a stack of solid gold bars into a safe in his office. “That greatly reduced our cost. To the environment, that is. Now, we’re going even bigger: making an entirely carbon neutral iPhone by not including an iPhone in the box when customers purchase an iPhone.”

Struggling to close the safe door, Cook continued: “Manufacturing iPhones uses an immense amount of material. Mining these materials and transporting them is an extremely costly endeavor. To the environment, that is. That’s why we’re reducing this cost–this environmental cost–by removing the iPhone from the box completely.”

Asked about how consumers would react to the proposed move, Cook was optimistic.

“It shouldn’t be much of an adjustment for people,” Cook said, throwing his entire body weight against the safe door. “Many people already have an iPhone at home, so they won’t need us to include another one in the box. In fact, you could say it would be wasteful to do so. In the end, we have faith that consumers will understand and agree with our vision.”

Samir Alam, a long time Apple user, was initially confused by Apple’s decision to no longer include an iPhone in the box, but ultimately agreed with the move.

“I won’t lie, I was a little disappointed at first. I was looking forward to having an iPhone in the box when I bought an iPhone. But the more I think about it, the more I realize what a bold move it is. And Apple has always been about bold moves, like removing the headphone jack, removing Touch ID, removing 3D touch, and now, removing the iPhone itself. Is it a bit disappointing that I’m going to pay $1,000 for a box with a USB-C cable in it? Maybe. But that’s the price of innovation. At least that sticker’s still in there.”

At press time, leaked documents revealed further plans to reduce the iPhone’s waste by removing the USB-C cable from the box.