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Therapist and Patient Spend Their First Few Sessions Making Character Sheets

SAN FRANCISCO — Local tabletop gamer and new therapy patient Elliot Booker spent his first three sessions with Dr. Elijah Loudermilk adding his base stats, backstory, and other personal details to a 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons Character Sheet, sources say.

“We’re making excellent progress,” said Loudermilk, who has been incorporating Dungeons & Dragons into his therapy practice since the game was first published in 1974. “Character creation is an essential first step of therapy which provides me the opportunity to get to know Elliot, help him recognize areas of his character that need improvement, decide on what weapon proficiencies he should go with, and begin working with him to set goals that will raise the stats he needs the most help boosting.”

“Also the guy had a game coming up and was just totally unaware of how to set up a compelling character,” Loudermilk continued. “Some players need the extra help deciding which invocations make sense for them, from a gameplay perspective.”

Booker’s character sheet so far designates him as a level 7 bard with almost entirely average stats, boasting 10s in strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence and wisdom. His only above-average stat, charisma, was penciled in as 14.

“I do improv at a local theater and I’m situationally funny, which explains my proficiency in performance,” said Booker with some slight hesitation from still wrapping his head around all of the new clinical terms his therapist was teaching him. “Dr. Loudermilk says I use performance checks to mask my anxiety because I think my friends will leave if I drop the facade and stop entertaining them. I don’t know about all that, but I sure like the idea of being a bard! I’m gonna take an adult guitar class!”

Dr. Loudermilk expanded more on the reasoning behind how Booker’s character sheet was filled out.

“He certainly has a knack for understanding what makes people laugh,” said Loudermilk. “His ability to use comedy to control how others perceive him is exactly why I assigned him the charlatan background. We’ve set a goal to level him up by the end of the month and allocate more points to his wisdom, which will hopefully allow him to become more insightful and let down his guard a bit.”

At press time, Loudermilk had reportedly encouraged Booker to consider group therapy sessions as his Dungeons & Dragons treatment is most effective with a party of three to five people.

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