RENTON, Wash. — Local dungeon master Sean Murdoch was rushed to the hospital yesterday evening, after his player and cousin Jonas Vandelay succeeded on a roll to hit Murdoch with the eight six-sided die he threw across the table at him during a session.
Sources say the incident escalated when the two started arguing how much damage Murdoch’s Cleric should take after being struck by grapeshot launched from a catapult.
“We argue like this all the time,” said Murdoch, still in recovery at Valley Medical Centre, “but this one got a little heated. We’d been drinking, and Jonas yelled ‘why don’t you prove it then!’ and threw the dice. I didn’t think he could throw anything that well.”
Vandelay was unrepentant, but conceded that Murdoch was the winner of the argument, as he was still alive as of this morning.
“Okay, yes. At our current level, 8d6 damage is not a lethal hit. If I was really trying to kill him, I would have chucked some d4s.”
Fellow player Tahlia Hagen claimed that the blame lies not with individual dice owners like Vandelay or Murdoch, but with the manufacturers.
“8d6 damage without magic or a buff? That’s completely OP. Chessex should have nerfed that option a long time ago,” said Hagen from the hospital waiting area. “But that just shows the hold that Big Dice has on our government.”
In hopes of preventing a lawsuit, Chessex released a statement disavowing all responsibility.
“Our thoughts and prayers are with Mister Murdoch, but the issue here isn’t dice regulation. Mister Vandelay was not observing basic dice safety,” the statement read in part. “Our products are NOT toys. They can do a lot of damage if thrown the right way. When used correctly, dice should be deployed ONLY to protect your Player Character, be it from feral owlbears, invading bandits, or tyrannical lords.”
As of press time, Murdoch had decided not to press charges, since most of the dice rolled 1s and 2s anyway.
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