DENVER — Known sex pest and former video game star Leisure Suit Larry was reportedly removed from a recent performance of the Beetlejuice musical at The Buell Theater for conducting lewd acts in the audience, sources have confirmed.
“I couldn’t believe what that pervert was doing next to me,” said an audience member from last night’s performance. “He kept bumping into me in the dark, and so I shined my cell phone light at him and he was fully slapping his dick around right there in the audience! I couldn’t believe it. What kind of sicko does that? It didn’t even seem like he was enjoying it, he was just knocking it back and forth like it was some kind of sick game to him. I can’t believe that fucking freak has any fans at all, to be honest. His whole schtick is appalling.”
Following the removal of Leisure Suit Larry, The Buell Theater issued a public statement that contained a plea for sexual restraint amongst ticketholders.
“[W]e really can’t believe we have to say this next bit,” the statement read in part. “But due to multiple recent incidents, we at The Buell Theater advise all ticketholders to upcoming Beetlejuice shows maybe get their rocks off before they leave the house, or at the very least before they take their seats. The rampant sexual activity in the audience lately has sadly deterred from what we feel is a really good show! To anyone that is thinking of coming to see Beetlejuice: We swear, a lot of people are watching the show and enjoying it. They’re not all getting busy out there in the dark.”
As of press time, Leisure Suit Larry had indicated that he still intended to seek a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives in 2024 despite the controversy.