WASHINGTON, D.C. – Panic has overtaken the White House after a meeting between President Biden and YouTube streamer IShowSpeed led to the reveal of the nuclear football to 100,000 live viewers, and tens of millions more after screenshots circulated online.
“From our knowledge, it was supposed to be a meeting to rally young voters,” said an anonymous Secret Service member. “I’m not sure exactly how Mr. IShowSpeed accessed the codes, I’ve guarded every President since Bush and I’ve only ever been able to make out a few letters of it.”
Of the many members of Speed’s chat that we pestered for a comment, only the user name ‘kaedisbae” was willing to share their experience of what it was like watching live.
“Dude, I don’t think anyone knew what it was for a few seconds, and when we realized it, chat just absolutely blew up, pun intended,” said the chat regular. “One guy donated a hundred bucks and told him to plug in the coordinates to his house. If only some Secret Service guy didn’t stop him – a hundred thousand people would’ve died, but it would’ve been the omega-est of omegaluls.”
Ninja, one of the most popular streamers in the world, feels the whole situation is deja vu.
“First it’s his privates, then it’s my Discord server, and now it’s the nuclear codes? Everyone’s been calling him IShowNukes now,” said Ninja, who has over 18 million Twitch followers. “It feels really underhanded, I was streaming a game of Fortnite with the remaining Beatles when it happened, and the viewership just plummeted.”
“I think it was a publicity stunt, but when I did that stupid dance at New Year’s, that didn’t start World War III.” When asked if this was Speed’s biggest mistake, Ninja replied, “Gotta be the Discord server. I’d rather have the entire world end in a horrific, fiery death than anger Drake.”
According to various sources, the incident has made Speed an even bigger name than before. One insider tells us that he’s currently entertaining offers in the millions from the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and the People’s Republic of China to exclusively stream on their platforms.