WASHINGTON — The office Elon Musk has been given inside of the second Trump White House is reported to have been retrofitted to function as a ball pit.
Chief of Staff Susie Wiles says the ball pit was installed at Musk’s personal request.
“He told us that he works better when he can pretend he’s at a McDonald’s PlayPlace, or Chuck E. Cheese,” Wiles told the press. “So far all I’ve seen him do in there is laugh at memes he’s stolen and reposted on his X – The Everything App account, scream at someone on the phone about why it’s taking so long for his latest Path of Exile II hardcore character to be ready for him to use, and ask every staffer who walks by if they’d like to, ‘fondle his balls’.”
Posting on X – The Everything App, Musk insisted whatever he’s doing in his new office is in the official capacity of the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE.
“Those infected by the Woke Mind Virus will believe any lie they’re told by the Deep State!🤣🤣🤣,” Musk wrote, “It’s not a ‘ball pit’, it’s a revolutionary office layout that’s been designed to maximize the most hardcore results when you’re literally saving the planet, like I am. First they said I wasn’t actually that smart, and that every success I’ve had in life was due to having the capital to make up for my lack of any real talent! Then they said ‘Oh, Elon is a Nazi!’ because I threw my heart out to the crowd during the inauguration. Sorry, but how many Nazis do you know who have ever set foot in Auschwitz? No Nazis have ever been there! Suddenly believing and saying all the things that Nazis say and believe makes you a Nazi, but that is just so ignorant. Wearing those really cool uniforms, that’s what makes you a Nazi.”
President Trump, who has been busy making good on his promise to improve the lives of Americans by renaming the “Gulf of Mexico” to the “Gulf of America”, and pardoning everyone who illegally stormed the Capitol spoke in defense of Musk at his most recent rally.
“Elon is a great guy. We love Elon, don’t we folks? That’s why we gave him those balls. They’re wonderful, very colorful, let me tell you. He said he hoped it might make his kids visit – why the hell would he want that- I don’t know. I can’t seem to get rid of my own kids! But we love this little thing called money. And that’s what it’s about, isn’t it folks?” Trump said between riffs. “And now these radical leftists, fascist, Marxist, Democrats are saying he’s a Nazi, folks, can you- richest man –even richer than me if you can believe it– is a Nazi! Frankly, I don’t know if there ever was a thing called a ‘Nazi’. The whole “Holocaust” thing sounds like it was made up by George Soros to impose his radical leftist agenda.”
At press time, Musk was trying to fish his phone from the bottom of the ballpit in his office so he could post another “kek” for his “frens”.
