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Congress Briefly Debates Banning TikTok Before Getting Distracted by Subway Surfers Gameplay Under Family Guy Clip

WASHINGTON — The Senate was reportedly in the midst of discussing a bill that could ban TikTok when debate was halted because Vice President Kamala Harris pulled up a clip from the hit animated sitcom Family Guy in which Peter Griffin plays duck, duck, goose incorrectly, paired with gameplay footage of mobile game Subway Surfers.

“Basically, Peter is going around the circle and keeps saying, ‘Duck, duck duck… duck,’ and every time you’re sure he’s about to say ‘goose’ he says ‘duck’ again,” explained Sen. Virginia Tran, smiling to herself. “It goes on for so long that you start to see it coming, but then somehow it keeps on going until it’s surprising again, and there’s a twist at the end. Peter is pretty funny.”

Still, other Congress members expressed worries about the pressing political matters at hand.

“Before we started watching these videos, we were definitely talking about something important,” said Sen. Dennis Davidson while not looking up from his phone. “I like how I can still get the Family Guy jokes even though my eyes are on the little subway guy collecting coins. It’s keeping me engaged while also I’m… What was the question?”

When contacted by reporters, the poster of these videos, TikTok user @familyguybestclipssubwaysurfers004, confirmed the opiate nature of his content.

“Yes,” he said to every question, struggling to think of any other words to say. When asked his profession, he answered that he is an artist, and that his art is Family Guy clips over Subway Surfers gameplay footage, which he makes through a process he has automated using a tutorial he found on YouTube.

If the bill passes through the Senate, it would require the approval of President Joe Biden, who commented on the recent House proceedings.

“The fact that these videos have distracted our own representatives shows the dangerous effects of this type of media,” Biden said. “We have to focus on the everyday concerns of the American people! I’ve heard so many heartbreaking stories from real Americans, in the form of Reddit posts read by soothing AI voices with Minecraft parkour videos in the background.”

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