Hey folks, Rush Limbaugh here. I see a lot of people suddenly talking about Baldur’s Gate 3, and I was just wondering, will I be able to understand this game if I died a couple years back?
Now, before we get into whether or not this game is part of Biden’s radical agenda, let me first just say that I’m almost certainly just a coffin full of bones and worms by now, a rotting corpse of a man that didn’t look or smell much better when he was above ground. So frankly, I’m not sure I can get into any video game right now, let alone one that is almost certainly shoving woke nonsense down where my throat used to be.
Are people still saying that? The ‘woke’ thing? It’s too bad I didn’t stay alive to milk that cash cow a little longer, huh? How am I writing this from the afterlife, anyway? It’s weird!
Now, I know a lot of video game sequels will generally hold your hand a little bit, in case you’re not familiar with the franchise’s previous installments. You might not have guessed it from my decades of bigotry and rage soiling the airwaves, but I actually always enjoyed kicking back and playing video games from time to time. I liked how you could pick up Grand Theft Auto V and figure out everything you needed to know, even if you hadn’t played previous installments.
But now, this Baldur’s Gate thing seems like it might be different. I hear it’s all based on Dungeons & Dragons and that sounds to me like not only will it be promoting homosexuality, Satanism, and possible communism, but it’s almost certainly going to appeal to a more hardcore set of RPG fans. Will a dead old fuck like me be able to pick this one up and know what I’m doing, or should I start with Baldur’s Gate 1 & 2?
Let me know in the comments. But just a heads up, I’m not sure I’ll get to read them. What are the rules here? Trump 2024!