Look, I hate to be that guy, but I definitely got a broken controller. I totally understand, I have some broken controllers myself. I’m like, the best player out of all of my friends. I even almost won a local tournament once. I just don’t think it’s really fair that I’m the one who gets the broken controller. Not that it’s hurting me that bad. I mean, I almost won even with the huge nerf to my power level. I know you’re all probably afraid, but I think I should get a working controller.
Oh yeah this one is definitely broken too. I totally didn’t push that. They really just don’t make them like they used to, do they? These lazy companies and their cheap hardware, am I right? I think there’s just a lot of stick drift. The trigger feels a little worn out too, not a whole lot of resistance there. If you have another controller I think I’d do much better.
Brand new? Wow, so that’s it huh? They’re selling defective controllers to people straight out of the box. You know it is unbelievable what they can get away with these days! I think you should buy third-party next time. I’m just so used to a custom controller, it’s hard to go back to a regular one. No worries though, not everyone takes the game as seriously as me.
Alright, something is really wrong here. I simply do not lose this badly. Everyone has off days, but even on my off days, it is nothing like this. There has to be external forces working against me. Something fishy is going on, and I’m going to get to the bottom of this. What kind of TV do you have? The refresh rate might be too low, I think I’m playing too fast and it’s laggy. This never happens to me any other time. I would usually be destroying you guys.
Did the game get patched? My character probably got nerfed and that’s why. Actually, and I don’t say this lightly, I think you might be cheating.
