LOS ANGELES — Physical media fans getting their hands on the 4k UHD of Nosferatu this week will be in for a surprise when they open their steelbook to find a single Marlboro Red cigarette.
Writer and Director, Robert Eggers, appeared on a promotional video on Twitter to announce the groundbreaking special feature in length.
“We’ve partnered with Philip Morris International to deliver a home viewing experience like no other,” Egger’s said before taking a long drag of a cigarette. “Included with each steelbook is a single loosey for your movie viewing enjoyment. Take a puff after each sex scene in Nosferatu and get that post-plow release that only Marlboro Red can give you.”
The video then depicts Egger’s enjoying his cigarette in silence. His eyes pierce the lens of the camera, as if he’s staring into the viewer’s soul. He finishes his cigarette, pulls out a copy of Nosferatu, and retrieves another Marlboro Red from the steelbook.
“Nosferatu is a loveletter to my hardcore sickos,” Eggers said, flicking ashes from his cigarette into a steelbook. “Eggheads were tired of all my sex depraved characters. It reminded them of all the sex they weren’t having. So I caved and made a sexy movie full of sex. But now the fans are reminded even more of all the sex they’re not having. So, uh, the cigarettes are an apology to my sexless fans. Did I mention they were in the room with us when we filmed the sex scenes? Yep, even the one with the dead body. Now leave me alone, I’m off to make a movie about a sexless werewolf.”
Egger’s finishes another cigarette and pulls out another steelbook. He lights his third Marlboro Red as the disclaimer plays him off.
“Robert Eggers does not condone necrophilia or smoking tobacco,” the disembodied voice said at lightspeed. “You will never look as cool as Robert Eggers smoking a Marlboro Red, so don’t even try. If you’re thinking about watching Noseferatu and then complaining about inconsistencies on IMDB, please stick your feedback up your ass. Annoying Letterboxd reviewers should consider smoking a pack a day until they die.”
At press time, Eggers tweeted an image from the set of his latest film depicting a werewolf wearing a chastity belt, with the caption “Back to my roots.”
