MUSHROOM KINGDOM — After notably holding out for a few years, the Toadstool Tour has merged with the Saudi Arabian upstart LIV Golf, creating a conglomerate professional golfing tour that will no longer allow Princess Peach to compete, sources have confirmed.
“You-a got to make-a compromises once in a while,” said Mario Mario, longtime marquee star of the Toadstool Tour and star of this year’s The Super Mario Bros Movie. “I hate to see Peach expelled from the sport she love-a so much, but think of what this will do for the game of golf-a. This deal will help our corporation to be able to negotiate as good of a television deal as-a possible when the contracts come up-a next year. I hope-a she understands!”
Fans were disappointed to hear of the allegiance between the traditionally progressive Mushroom Kingdom and LIV Golf, which is backed by the Saudi Arabia Public Investment Fund.
“Man, I thought they were holding out and not jumping into business with them,” said one disappointed Mushroom Kingdom citizen, referring to the previous several years of lawsuits between the two groups, all of which were voided by the merger. “But I guess ethics only take you so far when the other side has all the money in the world. I can’t believe they’d go into business together after Saudi Arabia dismembered that journalist from the Mushroom Kingdom.”
Peach’s expulsion is effective immediately, much to her disappointment.
“For 24 years I’ve been loyal to the Toadstool Tour,” she said in a press release issued this afternoon. “And today I was cast aside like the human rights of so many Saudi Arabians, all so that some wealthy people could continue to make money. It’s very disappointing. I will probably focus on baseball from here on out, at least until Saudi Arabia decides to get involved in that sport and fuck it all up.”
As of press time, Mario was seen fist bumping Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman upon arrival in Saudi Arabia.
