GAITHERSBURG, Md. — Local GameStop employee Aaron Hubbard has been the subject of much controversy after publishing a groundbreaking study that takes aim at Hollywood’s most beloved subject matter.
“Yeah it was crazy. I was going over my calculations on my lunch break, taking small and large hits from the vape pen, you know, running different variables and whatnot, and kept getting the same result every time,” Hubbard recalls. “Like Marvel movies are dope obviously because everyone’s all flying around and blowing shit up. But that’s also the same reason video games are dope. But, like, I can play those. And when I brought people back into the break room and showed them a Marvel movie and equivalent video game side-by-side, they were twice as likely to fuck with the Marvel-equivalent video game, no matter how small or large of a rip they took from the vape pen.”
Jeremy Longwood, an employee at the nearby Panera Bread and colleague of Hubbard’s, concurred.
“I’ve been a longtime supporter of Marvel movies on account of all the shit that blows up and everyone doing flips and stuff,” said Longwood. “But viewed through the lens of Aaron’s research, you start to notice how Marvel movies just kind of happen. Like you actually have to sit there and watch them? I dunno. Seems kind of random now.”
World-renowned astrophysicist Hilke Harver-Magnussen took the trip from her state of the art lab in Austria to the suburban strip mall in Maryland to meet Hubbard firsthand.
“Hubbard’s research is astounding. The average Marvel movie is made using Unreal Engine, a computer graphics 3D game engine. Their scenarios, plot, and sometimes even characters are identical to the video game paradigm. They both make an incredible amount of money. So what is the difference, I ask?” said Harver-Magnussen as she paused to take a 13 second rip off the vape pen. “You can, like, literally play video games!”
At press time, Hubbard announced that he had started research on a new study that endeavors to establish a link between some of Disney’s recent live-action films and animated films they’ve released in the past.
