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New Fitness Boxing 2 DLC Will Show You How to Kill a Guy

KYOTO, Japan — Nintendo Switch title Fitness Boxing 2: Rhythm & Exercise announced upcoming downloadable content this week that included new scenery and music to use in work outs, as well as an optional lesson on how to kill a guy. 

“With January upon us, we know that people might be trying out some new fitness routines, and we wanted to give players some fresh content,” said Kenzo Sumioka, President of Imagineer Games. “Also, you never know when you might have to defend yourself beyond what our boxing lessons provide, so you know, we also added a lesson where you beat someone to death.” 

The DLC will be in four separate releases, titled “EDM Workout”, “Rock Workout”, “Nature Stages DLC”, and “Kill A Guy DLC”. 

“Oh neat, I wonder if they’re going to bundle them all together,” asked Allison Ritter, who had recently picked Fitness Boxing 2: Rhythm & Exercise back up for the first time in a while. “Because all of those things sound pretty interesting. I think I’m most interested in the EDM workout and learning how to kill a guy. But I’d definitely check all of them out, for sure.” 

Some of the more graphic content contained in the DLC was displayed in a video posted online earlier today, featuring a female fitness trainer guiding the player through the fatal pummeling of a man for unknown reasons. 

“You’re doing great, now don’t let up!” says the instructor in the footage, before encouraging the player to incorporate any improvised weapons they can find in the immediate area into the simulated beating. “Focus on your abs, and remember, he’d kill you if he could. Don’t forget to breathe! Excellent! Nice punch! Now ask him if he’s got a family!” 

As of press time, the ESRB had changed Fitness Boxing 2: Rhythm & Fitness’ rating from E to M for Mature.