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Microsoft Announces Redfall Will Launch in Black and White

AUSTIN, Texas — Arkane Studios announced today that its highly anticipated first person shooter Redfall will launch exclusively in black and white mode next month, with a full color mode to be added later, sources have confirmed. 

“Look in a perfect world, we’d launch in 60fps, 4K, with color and everything,” said Harvey Smith, director of Redfall. “But it became clear that we just weren’t going to get there before launch. So I told the team, ‘Do whatever you have to to make our release date,’ and well, they sure came through for me. I have to admit, I didn’t even realize that black and white thing was an option. Before our game is judged too harshly, I plead with gamers to remember that some of the greatest films of all time are in black and white. And that ‘Color mode’ will be made available in a free patch at some point.” 

The gaming media have called Arkane irresponsible for preparing to ship an unfinished product. 

“Unacceptable,” said Wayne Levine, a gaming journalist. “Look, I’m not some snob that needs games to be in color to enjoy them. I loved Minit, Inside, and Ghost of Tsushima. But this isn’t one of those games. This is clearly Arkane coming up short and shipping a piece of shit that will come far short of gamers’ expectations.” 

“They can’t even get some red in there?” he asked.

Gamers were disappointed with the news as well. 

“Jesus, why not just delay it if you can only get the black and white version ready?” asked local gamer Mitch Barnes. “I get that games launch in incomplete versions all the time these days and that certainly it will just be a matter of time before this gets remedied, but that doesn’t mean this hunk of colorless crap is going to be worth my 70 bucks when it comes out. Why don’t I just play Pong for fuck’s sake?” 

As of press time, Barnes had gouged his eyes out with a spoon upon glimpsing some black and white footage of Redfall that surfaced online.