The MCU has raised people’s awareness of Marvel characters to astronomical new levels. But we’re interested in what people think of comic book characters in their original medium. So, we gathered Hard Drive’s most powerful telepaths and telepathically asked every comic book fan in the country for their favorite Marvel comic book character. Here’s what each state had to say.
The Juggernaut is empowered by the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak. The University of Alabama is empowered by the Crimson Tide of Cyttorak. Alabama residents have to choose Juggernaut as their favorite or risk losing their patron deity’s blessing and Alabama would never risk losing the edge in college football.
Much like the ancient mutant En Sabah Nur, Alaskans believe in survival of the fittest. Why else would someone choose to live in a place with 24 hours of night, grizzly bears, and moose?
Arizona: Ice Man
No one in Arizona actually said Ice Man was their favorite Marvel character. Actually, not a single Arizonan answered our question, they all just complained about the heat. Seems like Ice Man could really help them out.
Arkansas is full of closet furrys. They all claim it’s just a coincidence they have so many comics featuring the hot tiger lady but we know what’s up.
He may be a criminal menace but he’s also a member of SAG. Mysterio has been picketing every day of the strike while Spider-Man hasn’t even put out a supportive tweet. So who’s the real villain here?
Colorado: Adam X the X-Treme
After the 90’s Adam X wandered aimlessly looking for somewhere his backwards baseball cap and soul patch aesthetic would be welcome. When Colorado legalized weed he opened a dispensary and finally found his people.
Early in his career, Speedball was a heartthrob local hero protecting the New England area. He was part of a successful, beloved team. Then he turned evil, his old team fell apart, and his personal life was destroyed. He’s less beloved in Connecticut now but some still remember him fondly. So basically, he’s Tom Brady.
Delaware is one of the smallest states by area, so they’re always asking for Pym particles. Whether they want to shrink themselves down to make more space or turn Delaware into a mega-state and swallow the other surrounding states is unclear. Either way, they’re sucking up to Ant-Man until they get those sweet sweet particles.
Anti-mutant characters like Bolivar Trask and William Stryker have been gaining steam in Florida, but Man-Thing remains Florida’s favorite. He gets points for living in the Everglades but most Floridians just think it’s funny that there’s a comic called Giant-Size Man-Thing. Remember, only some Floridians are bigots but all Floridians like dick jokes.
Devil guys are always hanging out at Georgia flea markets making deals. Unlike that dick Satannish, Mephisto is willing to haggle. Georgians love a good deal, even one that costs them their soul.
This one’s pretty obvious. All Hawaiians wish their islands would eat a few tourists every now and then.
Idaho: The Hulk
Much like Bruce Banner, the people of Idaho just want to be left alone with their national parks and potato farms. Whenever Hulk smashes something they just nod and say, “That’s what I’d do if someone trespassed on my property.”
Illinois: Kitty Pryde
A handful of Marvel characters come from Chicago. But there’s only one who’s a bisexual, Jewish, ninja, pirate, space captain, whose best friend is a dragon. Honestly, it’s weird every state didn’t pick Kitty.
Indiana: Ghost Rider
Specifically, they like the Robbie Reyes version of Ghost Rider. People from Indianapolis don’t understand the appeal of stories that don’t center around cars driving really fast.
Iowa: Thunder Riders
Everyone in Iowa is too boring to own a motorcycle. So a group of motorcycle riders with the power to fuse into an even better motorcycle rider seems pretty crazy to Iowans.
Kansas: Scarlett Witch
Ever since The Wizard of Oz people in Kansas worry about their reputation as being anti-witch. They’re not. See, they like Scarlett Witch even after that whole no more mutants thing. They love witches!
Kentucky: The Fenris Twins
We didn’t actually ask anyone from Kentucky who their favorite Marvel character is. But based on my kin from Clay County I feel like characters defined by implied incest and overt racism are a pretty safe bet.
Louisiana has been lousy with vampires ever since Anne Rice made New Orleans the setting of Interview With the Vampire. Naturally, they’re big fans of Marvel’s number-one vampire hunter. He’s basically their exterminator.
Maine: Son of Satan
Daimon Hellstrom struggles to suppress his “darksoul” which makes him lash out and commit acts of evil. People from Maine similarly feel that all emotions are a dark force to be suppressed.
Maryland: Iron Fist
Maryland is full of rich white people who spent two weeks in Asia and became “masters” of meditation or yoga or whatever. Why shouldn’t a white trust fund kid be Marvel’s greatest martial artist?
Massachusetts: Emma Frost
Emma Frost is a hot rich girl from Boston who ran an elite academy there. Pretty much everyone from the Boston area loves her. And if they don’t she’ll just implant lover for her in their minds.
Michigan: Mr. Immortal
As the leader of The Great Lakes Avengers, Mr. Immortal is a clear favorite in Michigan. The team may be a joke outside of the Great Lakes region, but who protects the region from the yuletide terrorist Dr. Tannenbuam? It sure as hell isn’t Iron Man.
Minnesota is really into Norse mythology. If I’ve learned anything from Fargo it’s that they also love female protagonists. I guess it makes sense that Valkyrie is their favorite.
Mississippi: Black Panther
Black Panther fought the KKK back in the 70’s making him a hero to everyone in Mississippi whose opinion we’d care to know.
Missouri is very proud of the fact that Golden Age speedster The Whizzer is from their state. They don’t like when people laugh at his name. He’s a superhero damn it, show some respect!