Massachusetts: Donkey Kong
Donkey Kong is huge in Massachusetts, due to his loud, bold personality, temper issues, and willingness to drive like an absolute maniac. Donkey Kong is often spotted at Fenway Park, consuming upwards of 80 beers during the course of a Red Sox game.
Michigan: Violent J (Backyard Wrestling 2)
This is the only game that features the Dark Carnival, so no surprise here. J narrowly beat out second place, which went to Shaggy 2 Dope, also from Backyard Wrestling 2.
Minnesota: Toad
Minnesotans have a midwestern folksiness that you don’t find in a lot of other states. Toad was the nicest son of a bitch you ever met in those Mario games, always giving you hints and encouragement and stuff. If Toad was real, he’d get a place in Minnesota, I bet. And hopefully buy some winter clothes.
Mississippi: Pyramid Head (Silent Hill 2)
If I ever go on a cross country road trip, based on this information, I will route it around Mississippi.
Missouri: Joel Miller (The Last of Us)
People that live in Missouri relate to Joel, mostly because they too have likely had to face an unfathomably bleak decision at some point in their lives, like how long they are going to stay in Missouri.
Montana: Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)
People in Montana relate to Snake due to both his cigarette smoking habit and his propensity for not speaking to another living soul for days at a time.
Nebraska: KUHN AXIS 40.2 M-EMC Fertilizer Spreader (Farming Simulator 19)
I wanted to make fun of this, but I actually haven’t played this game so that wouldn’t be very fun. Are the fertilizer spreaders pretty cool in this game?
Nevada: Bald Bull (Mike Tyson’s Punch Out)
They love a big fight in Vegas, and they also love a big ass fighter. This guy is two stories taller than some of his opponents, which never seemed fair to me, but that’s why they love him so much I guess. I don’t know who’s regulating these Punch-Out matches. It’s borderline pro wrestling out there.
New Hampshire: John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)
People in New Hampshire romanticize life on the ranch, but they don’t want to get muddy or anything, so they just play Red Dead a lot.
New Jersey: Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)
Residents of New Jersey relate to Cloud’s passion, loyalty, and willingness to spend hours on his hair.
