#209. Buzz Lightyear of Star Command
October 4, 2000
Traveller’s Tales
Activision
The horrible love child of Crash Bandicoot and Robotron, this game seems to want you to get it over with and returned to Blockbuster as soon as possible. Every level has you, Patrick Warburton Buzz Lightyear, in a race with one of the show’s “classic” villains. If you beat them, they have half-health for their boss fight. You will beat them. You know why? Because you can just keep moving and nothing will stop you. You’ve got enough health to tank your way past enemy fire. Just don’t hop on the hoverboard cause it can’t go over water and I couldn’t figure out how to get off of it. This game is not good, and the cartoon its based on is not very good, but I imagine it’s still better than that Lightyear movie that came out last year. I can at least imagine Andy getting really into this Green Lantern-flavored take on the character. Him loving the Chris Evans movie is like going to see Interstellar as a kid and begging your mom to re-decorate your entire room to be themed to TARS, the Bill Irwin robot. — S. Finkelstein
#208. Urban Chaos
October 20, 2000
Mucky Foot Productions
In theory, Urban Chaos could have been a great game. The premise of a Grand Theft Auto-style game where the player controls a gruff officer is an enticing one. However, the Dreamcast simply couldn’t handle the reality of that idea.
The main character, D’arci Stern, handles like a drunk toddler. This is made exponentially worse by the ludicrously bad camera. Rather than have controls where the character moves in a direction relative to their position on-screen, Urban Chaos opts for tank controls which have always been confusing at best.
After playing through far too many tutorial missions under the tutelage of a faceless officer (they couldn’t spare the textures), players are dumped into an open-world level. The god-awful controls are exacerbated by the chugging framerate and the whole game falls apart at the seams before it really gets started.
It would have been interesting to see Urban Chaos come out on something like the PlayStation 2, which could have handled everything going on. Alas, the world will never know. — C. Dawson
#207. MagForce Racing
July 19, 2000
VCC Entertainment
Crave Entertainment
Futuristic racers were nothing new by the time MagForce Racing was released. This subpar F-Zero ripoff originally went by the name of Killer Loop on PlayStation and PC before being ported to the Dreamcast.
Featuring a pitiful four vehicles and only five tracks, MagForce Racing is practically anemic. The tracks themselves aren’t visually distinct from one another, and each vehicle slides around like a greased-up pig on a frozen lake.
Taking a page from Mario Kart, there are about as many powerups as there are tracks and all are equally useless. All but one of them shoot forward and hitting another vehicle is nigh impossible thanks to the way they bob and weave around the tubular tracks.
MagForce Racing doesn’t do anything special and what little it does is pretty poor. It’s one of those games where you aren’t likely to complain too much if you received it as a gift or rented it for the weekend based on the cover. Otherwise, it simply isn’t worth the cost of admission. — C. Dawson
#206. Illbleed
April 16, 2001
Crazy Games
AIA
On the surface, Illbleed sounds like an honest to God discovery. Prime time survival horror. A group of teens stumble into a mysterious horror theme park, chalk full of interactive scary movies that function as haunted houses. Brave your way through each, solve the mystery, save the day. What a straight shooter this is, right? A hidden gem that should rightfully be among the echelons of Resident Evil and Silent Hill.
Dead fucking wrong.
What could’ve been an otherwise by the numbers, easy-to-satisfy entry in the genre, becomes a bloated, inconsequential, confused mess in execution. For real, how do you fuck up teens bumbling around a haunted theme park? There’s very little to be praised here beyond a half promising premise, which ultimately suffers under the weight of its uncannily bad mechanics and gameplay. Before long, aimlessly traipsing around vague approximations of Americana steeped horror movies stops feeling like a video game, and more like you’re inhabiting the recycle bin of a failed screenwriter.
Somewhere along the line, the geniuses over at developer Crazy Games decided this would work much better not only with tank controls, but with tank controls you operate with one stick. It proposes a whole world’s worth of ground to cover, literally putting you into each scenario first hand, then lumps you into one of the most awkward, ugly, poorly conceived branching hub-level structures you’ll ever experience. You walk into a theatre, start the level, and are then tossed into what I can only describe as Silent Hill 4 meets Minesweeper. You paw around in the dark trying to progress down the path as arbitrary status ailments and warnings like “sanity” and “heartbeat” frantically pulse faster and faster at you with a feckless urgency.
Things pop out to scare you and cause damage quite apropos of nothing, triggered by you simply moving too close to the trap. Blood might ooze from the wall, or a face might appear in a doorway. What defines too close? Absolutely nothing! It will happen for no reason, with no indication, until you are dead. You are expected to accept this punishment and bear it in mind as you try the levels again, and again, and again.
Watch a playthrough of this for kicks but under no circumstances should you subject yourself to it firsthand. It’s “scary” bad. Haha. I’m so funny. — Walker MacDonald
#205. TrickStyle
August 31, 1999
Criterion Studios
Acclaim Entertainment
The late 90s were a tragic time in terms of overall style. Frosted tips, baggy pants, Electronica music…it was all terrible. So, as the millennium came to a close, it wasn’t surprising to see this abomination of a game come to life. For those that haven’t played TrickStyle, imagine someone took the Extreme-G franchise and sucked all the life out of it.
TrickStyle takes hoverboard racing to the EXTREME as a handful of heavily stereotyped racers zip around the world vying to be the world’s biggest douchebag. The races themselves are oftentimes frustrating affairs as I found myself combating floaty controls and horrendous level design. The AI will capitalize on every mistake, and landing anywhere but first place is an automatic loss, prompting races to be repeated over and over.
The graphics were praised at the time, but when compared to titles like Soul Calibur or Shenmue, it becomes shockingly apparent just how awful they are. In a bid to merge racing with tricks, developer Criterion missed the mark entirely. Players are much better served by playing a dedicated racer like Daytona USA or a skating game like Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater. — C. Dawson
#204. Flag to Flag
September 9, 1999
Zoom
Sega
What can I say about Flag to Flag? This is a title that feels more like a mediocre PlayStation racer than anything else. It completely underutilizes the performance juggernaut that the Dreamcast was at the time. The graphics are terrible, the controls even worse, and there are more pop-ins than your grandma’s internet browser.
Flag to Flag just isn’t a fun game. A game can be bad and still enjoyable, but Flag to Flag actively sucks the joy out of you. As if the lackluster graphics and gameplay weren’t enough, races are overly long with dozens of laps required. This turns the game into a battle of attrition as your endurance is tested.
Games like this make you appreciate the ones that were actually good all the more. That being said, it makes me wonder if our love for certain games might be over-inflated due to the sheer number of absolute dogshit games they rose above. — C. Dawson
#203. Armada
November 20, 1999
Metro3D
Metro3D
I want to like Armada. I really do. It has the makings of a great action-RPG. You have a little ship, there are other little ships to interact with, several different playable races, upgrades, and a big world. There’s so much potential.
However, potential only goes so far. Instead of being able to get into the game and really dig into what it has to offer, I spent my time fighting with the controls. In a baffling decision, developer Metro3D made the left stick determine the direction of the ship utilizing tank controls while the right trigger handles forward momentum. So, when you’re surrounded, it’s not intuitive to spin and target.
Things really go downhill when trying to play solo. The enemy density is really high, your armor might as well be a wet tissue, and as stated before, movement is incredibly hampered. It was clearly designed as a four-person experience and could make for a fun group game. Again, potential only gets you so far. Armada would have definitely benefitted from another few months of refinement. — C. Dawson
#202. Fighting Force 2
December 22, 1999
Core Design
Eidos Interactive
Ugh. Just ugh. I don’t have the word count to properly convey how much I loathe Fighting Force 2. It’s a sequel to a game that was carried heavily by its multiplayer aspect which makes it all the more baffling that developer Core Design decided to make the sequel a single-player title.
Hawk Manson is an ultra-elite agent for a shadow government where, in the near future, corporations run the world. To hold these companies accountable, Hawk is deployed to sites around the world where he must murder employees dressed like bikers and hockey players. When he’s not busy indiscriminately killing civilians, Hawk is damaging every piece of property he can.
The level designs are generic industrial and office building settings with many rooms looking identical to one another. This makes it incredibly easy to get lost and the lack of any sort of map only compounds this. The camera is abysmal as it is prone to getting stuck behind objects, doors, and walls. Combat, which should be the highlight, is a clunky affair at best with the only real threat to Hawk’s health coming from the absurdly high fall damage.
Fighting Force is, at best, a disappointing rental from the local video store that results in you spending more time outside than you would have otherwise. — C. Dawson
#201. Spawn: In The Demon’s Hand
October 18, 2000
Capcom
Cacom
It was exciting seeing Capcom’s logo when I booted this up, since the company has history making licensed games that punch above their weight class. Then the opening CGI cutscene started, and taking top billing over the developer is the visionary creator of “The Clown,” Todd McFarlane. Just like the comic it’s based on, this game is all style over substance. It’s a mix of Power Stone and a light gun shooter. You and a bunch of characters I don’t know and don’t want to know run around a little map and shoot each other. With guns. I’ll admit, I’m not a Spawn guy. But he can do more than use a shotgun, right? The camera is atrocious, making it difficult to see where you’re shooting and who’s shooting you. If you like Spawn, get in touch and tell me what the fuck is going on here. — Seth Finkelstein
#200. Slave Zero
November 17, 1999
Infogrames North America
Infogrames North America
I hope you’re blessed, like me, to have a cool uncle. Though he may be your dad’s age he shares your likes and dislikes and hooks you up with the coolest stuff at holidays. I have an Uncle David who provided me with amazing things when I was young, like the collected Scott Pilgrim comics and a full Taiko Drum Master PS2 game for Christmas.
Christmas of 2000, David slipped up immensely and bought Slave Zero for me. I loved my uncle and was so excited to play it, so I immediately ran up to my room, popped it in, and was met with a boring third-person action game with a lame-looking mech, and worst of all to simple-minded teen me, A CONTROL SCHEME WHERE YOU MOVED WITH THE FACE BUTTONS, something I’d never seen before, and it disgusted me. That was the first Christmas that I realized that even if they’re cool, all adults can and will fuck up and ruin your day. — J. Ruggiero
#199. Rippin’ Riders
November 10, 1999
UEP Systems
Painfully average at best, Rippin’ Riders is an incredibly barebones snowboarding game. Players can compete in a race down the slopes, in a halfpipe, or a match race against another player. Sporting a handful of exaggerated personalities and several board choices, there isn’t a lack of options so much as there is a lack of fun. The controls are a sloppy mess and trying to land a trick more often than not leads to the snowboarder eating copious amounts of shit. Throw in a super generic “edgy” announcer criticizing everything and anything results in the whole affair being more frustrating than anything else.
The tracks themselves are interesting but not memorable. It seems that the only thing that was fully fleshed out was the graphics. Unfortunately, Rippin’ Riders would be the only dedicated snowboarding title for the Dreamcast, so fans of the sport were definitely left wanting. At best, Rippin’ Riders is a weekend rental that would quickly fade away from memory. — C. Dawson
#198. Outtrigger
July 24, 2001
AM2 of CRI
Sega
I swear to all the gods, both old and new, that a solid half of the Dreamcast’s library consists of terrible arcade ports. Outrigger is deceiving in that it sports some really good graphics, multiple engaging characters to choose from, and a fun level design. However, it has some of the absolute worst, most god-awful (old and new) controls I’ve ever been subjected to.
The character is moved with the D-pad while the aiming reticle is handled by the joystick. Players can either attempt to keep both hands on the left side of the controller to steer and shoot, or they can run around with the D-pad, turn the camera with the left and right triggers, and then stop to aim and shoot. What really kills it though is how fast the camera and cursor move around. With no option to adjust sensitivity, you’re lucky if half of your shots hit as you frantically try to center the reticle.
Outtrigger is a game that was well before its time. Had it come out for a console that had dual joysticks with one exclusively controlling the camera, it would have been a really fun experience. Instead, it’s a losing game of figuring out how to control your character and subsequently dying to what would otherwise be cannon fodder enemies. — C. Dawson
#197. Silver
June 28, 2000
Spiral House
Infogrames
Silver, like many games, came to my knowledge thanks to a demo disc included in the monthly Dreamcast Magazine (specifically Volume 6, July 2000). I’d eagerly wait for each issue and its disc, filled with previews of upcoming games (and sometimes entire games and applications). Often the demos would be good enough that I’d never purchase the full game, opting to replay the same bit-sized experience over and over. Silver I had played only a few times, passing it up for better demos, and forgot it until now.
What’s the full game like? Well, it begins with a long and confusing cutscene narrated by the Who Doctor with the funny scarf. From there you begin a generic fantasy adventure that looks like all of the walking around sections from Final Fantasy 7. Early on, you’re taught the odd swordplay combat you have to engage in using the control stick, and that’s when it lost me. It is almost entirely voice acted, which is awesome, and I bet it could have been fun when it came out, but there’s no reason to bother with Silver in either demo or full form nowadays. — J. Ruggiero
#196. World Series Baseball 2K1
July 20, 2000
WOW Entertainment
Sega
Using players and stats from the 1999 season, World Series Baseball 2K1 makes the honestly correct decision to use pitcher Pedro Martinez as its box athlete. Since I know many people reading aren’t exactly SPORTZBALL people, 1999 was during the peak of baseball players being roided up past their shriveling balls and up to their receding hairlines. Compared to the Hulk-sized threats wielding bats, Pedro’s build was more comparable to a toddler. And yet he had one of the greatest seasons any pitcher has ever had.
Too bad this game plays like so much donkey butt that it doesn’t matter if I’m using a guy who puts up literal video game numbers. Oh man, you just know a game’s gonna be good when it was supposed to be a launch title and then was delayed. I have a test to see how good a baseball game will be, broken down to an incredibly analytic, perfect science: if you can’t skip the national anthem at the beginning, it’s probably gonna be shit. Guess what happens in this one.
The game’s presentation is actually hella more fluid than I was expecting and it has a delicious sounding arcade-esque soundtrack that made me think it was Tekken for a hot second. But as for playing the old passtime itself, I’d rather be hit by a Pedro Martinez curveball (not fastball because even though I hate this game, I don’t quite hate living). — W. Quant
#195. NFL QB Club 2001
August 23, 2000
High Voltage Software
I’m going to be honest with you guys. I know fuck and all about football games and what makes them good. Every single one I’ve played outside of the NFL Blitz franchise has felt exactly the same to me. College football, NFL, whatever, they’re all identical to me. If football games were a race, I’d totally be racist against them because, in my eyes, they all look the same.
So, how do I judge NFL QB Club 2001? Harshly. The announcer’s audio sounds like it was recorded in a semi-trailer. The graphics are serviceable with a fair amount of effort going into the players themselves but the stadiums leave a lot to be desired. The number of plays is extremely limited and navigating the playbook between plays is an absolute nightmare leading to many a poor choice due to the clock running out.
While I have limited football gaming experience, I did actually own NFL 2K on Dreamcast and can stack NFL QB Club against it. I distinctly remember enjoying the aforementioned Sega title much more than I did with Acclaim’s offering. Be it solo or with friends, there was enough fun to be had that it made keeping the game worthwhile.
Someone doesn’t have to necessarily be a fan of a particular gaming genre to enjoy a title. The developer must simply make it approachable enough and enjoyable to trick you into having fun. NFL QB Club 2001 failed to do this on every level. — C. Dawson
#194. Maximum Pool
November 11, 2000
Dynamix
Sierra On-Line
Did you know that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a pool shark? By relying on the years of experience he gained in the pool halls of his youth, he was able to help build his movement by speaking to the black community in said halls. There, he promoted his message of non-violence protest to end segregation and discrimination throughout the country.
Dr. King was a master of both the billiards table and people’s hearts. Maximum Pool is a master of nothing. The graphics are barebones and overutilize FMV characters as the opponent’s shots are taken. In fact, by including a dog as a playable opponent, developer Dynamix rendered all of the others completely irrelevant. If you have the chance to rack ‘em up against Wishbone, you’re going to do it each and every time.
Maximum Pool reeks of a game that a well-meaning grandparent would get you. You’d play it once or twice and then it would sit on the shelf until you decided to trade in your Dreamcast collection like an utter fool. The controls are clunky, the graphics are as visually appealing as a floral couch, and the AI is as deviously difficult as Dr. King himself. If you’re into the gentlemanly sport of pool, then you’re likely already playing the actual game rather than this pale imitation. — C. Dawson
#193. Draconus: Cult of the Wyrm
June 20, 2000
Treyarch
Crave Entertainment
There was a time when being a Dungeons & Dragons fan was not cool and/or hip. Fantasy/RPG fans were confined to their parents’ basements where there were they performed bad accents and occasionally jerked it to a high elf priestess. With this sub-market in mind, game developers at the time had their work cut out for them. Simply placing a generic Conan-esque generic male warrior and an overtly sexualized female wizard in a fantasy environment was enough to call it a day and collect a paycheck.
Draconus: Cult of the Wyrm is just that. Featuring incredibly floaty controls where it feels like one is steering a drunk toddler, Draconus is bad for all the wrong reasons. In particular, the voice acting is especially cringe-inducing. Hearing the goblins talk is like when your friend thought he did a great Gollum impersonation after watching The Two Towers. It’s actually not that good, Jared, but who is going to say that to your face?
While there are some aspects of Draconus that are laughable, it’s never intentionally done and you’re left feeling bad for the developers whose names are attached to the title. Potential players are better off tricking their mom into DM’ing a D&D session for them and their friends. — C. Dawson
#192. Ecco the Dolphin: Defender of the Future
August 15, 2000
Appaloosa Interactive
Sega
I thought I had given myself such a gift when I picked this game off the list. “It will be so easy to make jokes about the dolphin game,” I said. “I’ll make some fun references to those whales that are attacking boats recently,” I said. What I didn’t know was that I was stepping into one of the most surreal, disquieting pieces of media I have seen in a long time. This game opens with an alliance of humans and dolphins fighting aliens, presented in this serene audio/visual soup that should be playing on the wall at a downtown art exhibition. Then you’re abruptly thrown into the water and asked to save a lil’ baby whale with no reference to the aliens, and then you’re given a quest to save Atlantis, and things only get weirder from there. The controls are awful. The game asks you to mash the A button to pump Ecco’s tail and my thumbs got sore immediately. I don’t recommend you play this game. I do recommend you get as many drugs as possible and throw on a longplay on YouTube. I have to go take a walk now. — S. Finkelstein
#191. South Park Rally
July 7, 2000
Tantalus Interactive
Acclaim Entertainment
At first glance, one may think South Park Rally is just like Mario Kart but with South Park characters instead. In actuality, this game easily sets itself apart as every character has their own distinct way of yelling “F@#%” or farting when you overtake them. (Take notes, Nintendo!) Each race unfolds within the iconic and beloved locations from the South Park show, which actually may take you a while to notice since the tracks are so convoluted that you’re better off staring at the minimap the whole time. I don’t mean to be too harsh, I’m only saying that playing this game feels like willingly exposing yourself to the lethal radiation of Chernobyl’s infamous Elephant’s Foot, and you should run as far as humanly possible away from it. That is, unless you’re someone who thinks Mario should say “fuck” sometimes in Mario Kart. Then this game might be for you. — Cameron Snow
#190. Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation
March 24, 2000
Core Design
Eidos Interactive
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Publisher Eidos Interactive actively hated developer Core Design and loved money. By making a move that Activision would later adopt with the Call of Duty franchise, Eidos demanded that Core crank out a Tomb Raider title every year. This was met with little enthusiasm by the developer.
In an effort to break free of a burden that was heavier than Lara’s tits, Core opted to kill Lara in this fourth outing. By this point, the Tomb Raider series had grown a bit stale and outdated. The Last Revelation was using a heavily modified version of the original game’s engine and thus, was limited in what could be done in terms of new gameplay elements.
Those that were new to the series would have likely had a grand old time and wondered how they had missed out on Lara’s adventures for the past four years. Those that had been picking up every annual title like it was a copy of Madden were past their honeymoon phase with Lara and struggled to even feign interest while playing.
That sums up Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation. It’s a game where the only party that wanted it made was motivated by money. Do what you will with that information. — C. Dawson
