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20 Features ‘Starfield’ Better Have or Else I Won’t Buy It Until It’s Been Out for a Week or Two

While a day one Starfield purchase once felt like a no brainer, the amount great games to come out this year has given Bethesda’s latest game a little more to prove, in my opinion. Here are 20 things the new sci-fi RPG absolutely must deliver if they think I’m gonna get it on day one and not wait until I get sick of everyone else talking about it!

Incredible title menu screen

If that thing doesn’t knock me on my ass, I’m out. Straight up.

Kill anything you see

If I can’t completely annihilate every citizen, android, or spaceship I come across, then this game simply isn’t finished.

Marry anything you see

If I can’t romance and spend the rest of my life with every citizen, android, or spaceship I come across, then this game simply isn’t finished.

Fully customizable characters

It’s 2023, and nothing short of the most in-depth character creators are acceptable. If I’m not able to tell it what my character’s favorite podcast is, then the game simply isn’t finished.

200 frames per second

Ooh, I just made this up, but that would rule, right? We’ve been stuck at 60 for so long it feels like. Let’s go already!

1,000+ hours of gameplay

If I even so much as think about a different video game before 2024 hits, then this game simply isn’t finished.

John Cena, The Rock, or Bautista

If I visit hundreds of planets and none of my guys are on there, what the hell is the point of any of this?

Morality system

There should be a series of choices throughout the game where you can even do the honorable thing or not, and then that determines what kind of cowboy you’re being.


Absolutely no wiggle room on this one, I’m afraid.


We’ve been playing that new Texas Chainsaw Massacre game and decided it would be so cool to put Leatherface in there. Come on, there has to be one planet where he makes sense, right? Just do it.

Some ‘Star Wars’ stuff

I don’t mean to keep harping on this kind of thing, but 1,000 planets? Come on. Throw some Ewoks in there somewhere.

Information about ‘Elder Scrolls VI’

To be honest, the most intriguing part of this game to me is the chance that we’ll get some cryptic nod to the follow-up to Skyrim. That would be enough to keep me going for another year or two. Elder Scrolls VI is coming, you guys. You’ll see.

V-Buck integration

I’ve got way too many V-Bucks and I’m not really into Fortnite anymore. You should let me spend it in Starfield!

1,000 more planets

I’ve been sitting on that information that Starfield will have 1,000 planets for so long, I’m kind of over it. They should do more now that I think about it.

Battle Royale mode

I know they’re a little out of style these days, but come on, it would be fun!

Fully customizable anuses

We’ve breached the genital wall, it’s now time to visit what may be the final frontier in next generation gaming.

Find my neighborhood in New York City

Spider-Man spoiled me. If I can’t find my apartment building in your game, I’m really pretty underwhelmed with the whole thing these days.

Nothing too scary 

If I wanted to have nightmare, I’d play Dead Space or something. Let’s all be cool here, Starfield. 


Mars is a planet that I know and love from the hit film The Martian starring Matt Damon. It’s one of the only places I know in space and I will be devastated if it is not one of the several planets featured in Starfield.

Haven’t thought of it yet

I haven’t thought of this one yet, but I am positive that there will be many more things that I will absolutely need in the game or else I’ll refuse to play it. And they better have those things, or else I WALK. I know I’m not saying what they are, but it’s Bethesda’s job to know before I do and add them to the game. Sorry!

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