#21. Chihaya Mifune
There’s a non-zero chance this attractive slightly older woman could have gotten me to join the cult she was already in. Certainly if I couldn’t be the one to break her out of it, I might have fallen into it. I had a lot of time for spirituality as a teen and would do basically whatever a pretty woman told me to. But that’s not her fault. I would’ve enjoyed hanging out with this fun weirdo and I think she would’ve liked me hanging around.
#20. Ann Takamaki
Only this low on the list because I don’t think I would ever pluck up the courage to talk to her, much less become friends with her, and frankly we’d have probably run in completely different circles. This ain’t The Breakfast Club, you know?
#19. Tae Takemi
While doctors generally spooked me as a kid, I’m sure I could’ve seen around that and likely would have been a willing test subject (see above: I would do pretty much anything an attractive older woman told me), so while I’m not sure about us being “friends,” there definitely would have been a tolerance on her part toward me, and an admiration from me toward her. Plus we both feel the same way about medical care for everyone.
#18. Shiho Suzui
She’s moody, pretty, and is a volleyball player. YEAH, me-as-a-teenager would’ve wanted to be friends.
#17. Toranosuke Yoshida
I could easily have been the one holding the sandwich board while this guy pontificated and politicked about a government that served the people. He seems like he’d introduce me to old, weird movies too. I dunno, something about him just has that aura.
#16. Sadayo Kawakami
Genuinely, I was good at getting older teachers who were over it all to give a shit, it was like my superpower. Whenever there was a teacher that was strict or apathetic, somehow it was never my experience of them, so while I’m not sure we’d be exactly “friends,” I think we’d get along quite well. Oh and I’d be cool about her extracurriculars, I ain’t a snitch.
#15. Sojiro Sakura
The only adults I got along better with than most teachers was most of my friends’ parents. I was an “old soul” (AKA: had undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety, making me seem more grown-up because I was risk-averse and future-oriented) and that tended to give the impression I was at least a good influence. In truth, I was probably actually a fairly neutral one.
#14. Takuto Maruki
Remember when I mentioned all that undiagnosed neurodivergant shit? Yeah, I liked counselors. A lot. They seemed like miracle workers, to be blunt: I would’ve signed up for this dude’s ‘white sheet, no stress’ cult in SIX SECONDS. He’s only lower on this list because I’m not sure that definition of ‘friendship’ is a particularly healthy one.
#13. Yuuki Mishima
So here’s the thing is about why he’s this high/low: when you meet your exact double, you either become best friends or worst enemies. As much as I want to project onto Ryuji or Yusuke or even Ann or Haru…let’s face it: most of us boys playing this game? We were Mishima. I’m at peace with that now, but back then? We would have gotten along for sure, our crush doesn’t intersect so that’s off the table. But really good friends? I dunno about that.
#12. Kasumi Yoshizawa
An overachiever and just a little egotistical, to say nothing of her harboring survivor’s remorse and blames herself for the death of her more talented older sister causing her to dissociate and constructing a false personality of her sister that she could never possibly lead up to, and I just think I’d be in over my head. I’d be there for her, but c’mon, it took eight mystical warriors and an entire magical realm to cure this girl’s problems, I would NOT be up to the task.
#11. Sumire Yoshizawa
Honestly seemed more grounded and down-to-Earth than her sister, I just think we’d have hit it off a little better.
#10. Yusuke
Kind of pretentious even after he gets saved, Yusuke’s insistence on using his art to see naked girls is another strike against him, but after he clears his head about Madarame, he seems like a genuinely good dude. Just don’t think I’d be able to be who he needs for his art.
#9. Hifumi
Too driven by her career to be that close, but it would be cool for someone to finally teach me how to play shoji. I wouldn’t judge her for actually enjoying her hobby either, so I doubt she’d judge me for mine! Ironically, I doubt she’d have much time for pro-wrestling and anime, but that’s fine. I just want to learn how to play shoji…
#8. Ryuji
Mentioned before, but I actually got along pretty well with the jocks at my school, and Ryuji just seems like the track team, but with a personality. I think if we hit it off on the stuff that wasn’t the track team, we’d eventually become genuinely close trying to restart the team. Also he’s all about his friends, and I relate to that.
#7. Protag/Joker
One of the interesting things about Persona 5 is that the protagonist actually has quite a few voiced lines and something dangerously close to approaching a personality. While the protagonists of P3 and P4 are fine enough cyphers, playing that game as an adult makes you aware of just how dangerously close Gekkoken and Inaba were to just falling for the first charismatic leader who told people what they wanted to hear. Joker seems like a good dude, he stood up for the right thing when it wasn’t convenient to do so, and never lost his idealism in the face of the system utterly failing him. I’d like to be friends with someone like that, and it’s pretty clear by the fact that he meets, befriends, and dates something like 26 people in a single year that he’s got almost unlimited bandwidth for new people. And he called himself Joker in 2017 and owned it, despite that being insufferable thanks to Twitter. Takes pure, undiluted moxie to do that!
#6 Futaba Sakura
Presuming she ever came out of her room, this Freshman and I would have been inseparable the moment we struck up more than a three word conversation. Awkward, timid, but incredibly enthusiastic about her interests once you get her going, oh GOD, I’m just writing the Mishima entry again, aren’t I? Yeah, I’m not too proud to admit: this weirdo and I would have been peas in a pod, she’s only not higher because getting her out of her shell would have required a lot from me.
#5 Igor
The revelation that the world around us is not what we perceive it to be, that it’s a world both created by, and affected by, our day-to-day lives, and only an elite few are chosen to shape, mold, and ultimately try to save this realm from total control by those who would use it for ill would honestly be a relief over knowing the world’s just a chaotic place run by bitter old men who think “enjoy these years, CAUSE IT NEVER EVER GETS BETTER THAN WHEN YOU’RE 16!”
#4 Morgana
He’s an imaginary friend who’s also a talking cat, so don’t pretend like “he’s a little too into your business and when you go to bed” is some kind of dealbreaker. If the talking cat wants to watch me jerk it to badly drawn Felicia Hardy fanart, fucking go wild, little dude. You’re a talking cat, you do what you want! She’s called “Black Cat,” that do anything for ya, or are ya more of a Selina Kyle fan? See, I made it weird and now we respect each others’ boundaries. Confidant rank up!
#3. Haru Okumura
I’d help break up her shitty arranged marriage, and I wouldn’t need superpowers to do it. She seems genuinely sweet and like someone I’d just like to share a quiet afternoon with, I think we’d get each other. I’m not super into gardening, but if my late teens/20s taught me anything: it’s that I’m surprisingly willing to be into whatever the girl I like is also into.
#2. Lala Escargot
The obviously most cool person in all of Japan? YES! PLEASE! Pays incredibly well and under-the-counter? Stop drilling, YOU’VE HIT OIL. I would haul as much garbage and banter with as many salarymen as it took to win her trust and respect, and I’d have called her Lala-chan the whole time without fail!
#1. Makoto Nijima
Her true heart’s spirit is represented by a nuclear-powered transforming robot motorcycle. If that doesn’t explain everything about why she’s at #1, then I’m not sure we would have been friends in high school either.
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