Hey, Gamers! 43 here. I’m sick and tired of Obama getting praised every time he fills out a bracket or makes a mixtape. I wanted in on the action, but sadly the only thing I’m very opinionated on is video games. That may surprise a lot of you, but I love those blasted things. Well some of them, at least. There’s plenty I don’t like. You think you’re tired of politics being shoved down your throat? Try being President for a decade or however the hell long that was. Anyway, here’s my personal list for the best 100 games of all time, prepared exclusively for Hard Drive.
100. We Love Katamari
I love these crazy games. I never told anyone this, but this is the game I was playing when I almost choked on a pretzel to death. I was rolling around on the ground when it happened.
99. Metroid
That little girl rolls into a ball. Don’t know why, but it makes me giggle.
98. The House of the Dead 2
I remember one night me and Jeb played this and he came to sleep in my bed afterwards. This was last summer. Great game, but get a hold of yourself, Jeb!
97. Minesweeper
I figured this game out during my first year in office. No one thought I could do it, but I set my mind do it and got it done. One of my more unsung achievements as President.
96. Jeopardy!
I memorized every question on Sega Jeopardy and used to bet Cheney he couldn’t beat me! He would get so mad! One time he yelled “How the hell did you know Alexander Pushkin was considered Russia’s greatest poet?” and I shot right back, “Are you kiddin’ me? Al’s the best!” Cheney didn’t talk to me for a week after that one.
95. Boogerman
I like that Boogerman. He makes me laugh.
94. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
I stayed up all night to beat this game. It’s not like, incredible, but it’s solid. I think I just like it so much because it’s my favorite movie.
93. Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater
I got into this during my second term. Called Tony Hawk in the middle of the night one time to ask him how real all of it was, and he just said to call him back in the morning. I’m just now realizing I forgot to call him back.
92. Crash Bandicoot
That sumbitch scares the hell out of me, but he makes me laugh too.
91. Duck Hunt
Dick Cheney called me for the first time in six years to threaten my personal safety if this game didn’t appear on the list. I know I should stop listening to him eventually, but it’s just so much easier this way.
90. Six Days in Fallujah
This is the one right here. This is my shit. Also, it makes me laugh.
89. Bush Shootout
An accurate portrayal of our general strategy towards terrorism during my term. Did you know I stayed up all night playing this one time? Heh heh, Laura was so mad when she got up that morning.
88. NBA Jam
I like to unlock Bill and Hillary and let the computer push me around as much as they want.
87. SkiFree
I like that monster down there at the bottom of the hill. It makes me laugh when he eats the fella.
86. Tetris
Unlike Minesweeper, I was never quite able to figure this one out. What’s going on with these pieces? Anyway, I like the music in this one a lot.
85. Twisted Metal
I tried to get so many things from this game to happen in real life, but I was shut down every step of the way. A total bummer.
84. Metal Gear Solid 
I like that Snake fella. I like the way he whispers. I like that a lot. This game is hard as hell.
83. Zoop
Zoop! Heh heh heh
82. The Simpsons: Bart vs the Space Mutants
Game freaked me out, man. Freaked me out bad.
81. Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball
When everything got real complicated around you-know-what, I used to boot this game up and pretend I still owned the Texas Rangers. It was a simpler time. I miss it.
