Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie finally releases this week! But that’s basically forever from now. So here’s everything you absolutely have to know about the movie before going to see it in a few days.
It Will Inspire the Most Boring Couple You Know’s Halloween Costume This Year
The girl will have an immaculate, one-to-one Barbie outfit complete with hair and makeup, and the boyfriend will just slap a logo on a henley shirt he already owned.
It’s Not Real
Director Greta Gerwig has stressed that while they appear realistic, the actors and events onscreen are just moving pictures and cannot hurt you.
It’s a Funny Joke If You’re a Man Who Wants to See It
Being a movie with women and pink, your coworkers and friends will be delighted and amused if you, a man, proclaim your affinity for the toy-based family comedy.
It Has the Same Plot as ‘Enchanted’
Beautiful A-List movie star plays a naive, Born Sexy Yesterday woman from a fantastical fictional genre world who goes to the real world with her even more clueless romantic counterpart. Trouble and hijinks ensue when she does not understand the rules and norms of normal society in this hilarious but heartfelt fish out of water comedy.
Margot Robbie Only Ate Filet-O-Fish Sandwiches for Six Months to Prepare for the Role
In what is either a blatant lie or strange miscommunication to the film’s star, actress Margot Robbie ate nothing but McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish sandwiches in preparation for Barbie, believing that to be the iconic doll’s favorite food.
There Will Be an Estimated 40,000 Tweets with Screenshots Captioned ‘This Is Everything’
Early reports suggest the film will produce additional thousands of social media posts insinuating Margot Robbie ‘ate’ or Ryan Gosling is ‘giving them life’
Budget Cuts Forced Barbie to Only Wear Sweatpants and an XXL Alabama State T-Shirt
Despite several amazing Barbie outfits being featured in trailers and promotional material, the film’s budget only allowed for Margot Robbie to wear baggy soft clothes for the entire runtime
Ryan Gosling Was Cast as Ken for His Trademark Lack of Genitalia
While his comedic timing and striking physique certainly helped his audition, director Greta Gerwig insisted Gosling played Ken after seeing his smooth, flesh-covered area where his penis and balls should be
