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Everything You Need to Know About ‘Oppenheimer’

Oppenheimer comes out next week and you’re gonna want to learn everything you need to about the movie so you can properly argue about it online with your enemies. Well here’s all that info!

It Releases the Same Day as Barbie

Although apparently nobody has noticed, Oppenheimer is set to release on the exact same day as the Barbie movie. Additionally, nobody has even pointed out that though they are releasing the same day, they have very different tones as films. 

The Real Oppenheimer Wasn’t That Sexy

While Cillian Murphy cuts a stunning figure as the renowned scientist, viewers should note that the real man the film is based on was like a five at best. 

Cillian Murphy Prepared for the Role by Just Learning His Lines and Blocking and No Weirdo Method Shit Because He’s Just a Normal Fucking Guy

Fans were stoked to see how seriously Cillina Murphy prepared for his role in the big budget period piece by just thinking about his character and not doing any performative insane ‘You have to call me Oppenheimer in between takes’ bullshit

The Entire Plot of the Movie Leaked Online

Unfortunately, despite intense efforts to keep the story of Oppenheimer under wraps, the entire plot of the movie, including story elements for potential sequels, leaked onto a website called “Wikipedia”

Iron Man Is Not in It

Just important to point out for any Marvel fans who think Tony Stark is a real person. There will be a lot of weapon manufacturing, however!

It Will Have a Post-Credits Scene

Audiences should make sure to stick around after the end credits to see a teaser for which character becomes Carnage in the next film

Lizzo Wrote an Original Song for the Soundtrack

Viewers can look forward to a brand new Lizzo song during a scene where a guilt-racked Oppenheimer copes with his actions by tuning the radio to the body-positive pop hit

The Film Is Banned in Japan

The film has already been blocked by Japanese censors for its blatant depiction of Robert Downey Jr. 

You Won’t Actually See It

Sure, we all had a good laugh our funny little jokes about double features and premiere outfits, but you’re not actually going to buy a ticket for the three hour period biopic

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