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Everything We’re Blaming on the Woke Mind Virus This Week

Hey Gamers. Boy howdy, it sure can be difficult keeping up with all the ways the woke mind virus has turned our once vibrant society into a rotting cesspool. Here’s a roundup of examples I spotted this week! 

Lost My Car Keys 

I’m so fixated on my anger that Chick-Fil-A hired an executive in charge of diversity, equity, and inclusion that I can’t find my keys and now I’m gonna be late for work. Thanks a lot, liberals! I would get really reamed out if I hadn’t inherited this business from my father. 

Sports Results 

Whichever team ends up winning the championship in Major League Baseball this year, it will almost certainly reak of wokeness. A damn shame to see what America’s pastime has been reduced to. 

Rainbow I Saw  

Suck my dick, NASA 

Can’t Stop Coughing

May be a regular virus, rather than woke mind virus but still (NOT COVID)

(Gay) Son Flipped My Car 

I thought gay people weren’t going to cause me any problems?? I think an upside car in my driveway is a major problem. 

The Red Hot Chili Peppers Haven’t Put Out a Good Album in Ten Years

This obnoxious “PC Culture” that has plagued America for the last five years has resulted in the California rock band The Red Hot Chili Peppers not putting out a decent album in the last decade. 

My Neighbor Is Black

Of course our block had to go woke and reboot my white neighbor Mr. Peabody into a black man “Doctor Freely”

Man on Other Side of Glory Hole Turned Out to Be Gay

I miss the good ole days when men were men and I could suck an anonymous STRAIGHT guy’s cock

Didn’t Like Movie I Saw

Just didn’t think the plot was very realistic, to be honest

Favorite Conservative Organizations Ruined

I literally couldn’t believe the news when I saw it, but yep, the LGBTQ+ Organization For Queer People Of Color And Other Marginalized Groups has gone woke 

Couldn’t Find New Tucker Show 

Don’t even tell me I don’t have enough AOL hours ‘cause I know I have enough AOL hours! 

Gay Soda 

My soda had the gay stuff on it! Like I’m really gonna drink this shit now. What terrifies me is that I took a few sips before I realized it. Then I thought Wes smelled really good yesterday. I’ve never been more scared in my life. 

Every Person I Come Into Contact With Thinks I’m Way Too Intense All the Time 

And next to none of them are willing to debate me! 

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