Everyone is gearing up to watch Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and Twitter CEO Elon Musk pummel the shit out of each other on television. Because if we can’t actually enact change against our nation’s most powerful dickheads, at least we can watch them get a little bit hurt! Anywhere, here’s everything we know about the upcoming cage match fight.
What Cause Are the Two Billionaires Fighting For?
Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk will be putting on a highly-televised fight to raise awareness of Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk.
Will the Fight Actually Happen?
Almost certainly not.
How Intense Will the Fight Be?
The two combatants will be locked in a cage for thirty minutes of brutal, relentless limp-wristed flailing.
What Does the Winner Get?
The victor will receive the other half of America’s sensitive personal data.
What Is Andrew Tate’s Involvement?
Media personality and ex-kickboxer Andrew Tate has agreed to provide one-on-one training as a punishment for the loser.
How Is Musk Preparing for the Fight?
Elon has been honing his trademark fighting style of punching down at women and the disabled
What Are The Odds Joe Rogan Isn’t Involved in This Somehow?
0%.
Who Will Likely Be the Loser of the Fight?
Humanity.
