We’ve all been there. Fidgeting with board game components in hand while waiting for your turn. Glancing down at the pieces, wondering just what they might taste like.
It’s only natural to see something small and want to put it in your mouth. Just make sure you don’t get caught. Take it from an expert. Here is the definitive list of board game pieces ranked by how likely I am to sneak them into my mouth when no one is paying attention.
#30 — Twister’s Mat
This would be too difficult to pull off. Perhaps while my opponent has both hands on green, I can start munching on the red side. But since the whole mat is a whopping 67” by 55”, I wouldn’t be able to get it all down before their next turn.
#29 — A Metal D4
I will not even attempt. I’d need throat surgery after it slices its way down into my gullet.
#28 — Jenga’s Blocks
This is just wood. Wood that looks like wood. No thank you.
#27 — Candy Land’s Gingerbread Men
Despite the name of the game, these smiley little boys don’t actually look all too palatable. Pass.
#26 — Stratego’s Soldiers
These pieces are incredibly jagged. While it’s possible the bomb might taste like da bomb, I’ll never know.
#25 — Checkers’ Checker
When I think about eating Checkers, I want chili dogs and seasoned fries. Not stackable plastic pieces.
#24 — Sorry’s Player Markers
These ones I don’t necessarily want to eat but I will suck on them like a binky.
#23 — Ticket to Ride’s Trains
These look like they could be chewy and tangy. I’d go ahead and try the line from Saint Louis to Kansas City.
#22 — Blood on the Clocktower’s Imp Token
Playing as evil stresses me out. Better off just swallowing the token whole and then claiming to have gotten the Monk or something.
#21 — Catan’s Robber
This notorious game component can cause a lot of tension at the table. Best gobble him up before the game even begins so Derek doesn’t throw a hissy-fit.
#20 — Clue’s Rope
Something about the rope being the only non-metallic, non-shiny murder weapon just grabs my attention … and my appetite.
#19 — Marbles
A toy as old as time. They come in an assortment of colors and patterns to stack up against jelly beans. I’m sure if I suck on them long enough, the flavor at the middle will surely come out.
#18 — Boggle’s Sand Timer
Since you can play this game solo, I don’t even need to sneak it down. Just crack that bad boy open and slam it down like Fun Dip.
#17 — Risk’s Cannons
This one isn’t for enjoyment. It’s pure strategy. Derek’s army has created a color-coded choke point in Central America. Of course, that won’t be a problem if I simply ignore the choking hazard on the side of the box.
#16 — Chess’ Rook
I can’t exactly explain it, but the rook is the most appetizing-looking of the chess pieces. Don’t agree with me? Get in the comments.
#15 — Othello’s Reversible Tokens
I imagine these taste like the black and white cookies you can get from the deli. And there’s so many of these in the box, no one will notice if just one goes missing. Or two.
#14 — Operation’s Bread Basket
I don’t know how this delicious bread got inside the patient’s dick but it’s mine for the taking. And if this put’s me in the hospital, so be it.
#13 — Battleship’s Destroyer
You can’t sink my battleship if I’m already digesting it, Derek.
#12 — Life’s Pink and Blue Pegs
Like Saturn himself, I will devour my children one by one. It’s my life, I can do with it what I please.
#11 — Scrabble’s Z
What the fuck am I going to use the Z in? I don’t have the letters for zebra so it’s just taking up space. And if I understand the number in the corner correctly, it’s only a mere 10 calories.
#10 — Left Center Right’s Chips
I never once used these chips in the game. Everyone always just passes around actual dollar bills. Might as well put the chips to good use with some French onion dip.
#9 — Trivial Pursuit’s Pie Slices
Come on, it’s in the name. It might have to answer some additional pop culture questions but it’s worth it to get a taste of that colorful wedge.
#8 — King of Tokyo’s Energy Cubes
Green Jell-O is far from the best Jell-O, but Jell-O is still Jell-O. And even though these are demonstrably not Jell-O, they still look like Jell-O. So I will eat them.
#7 — Meeples
Meeples are universal, like garlic. You can use them in Carcassonne, Archipelago, Carbonara, Bolognese — the list goes on.
#6 — Monopoly’s Racecar
I never get to be the damn racecar. And you know what? Now no one gets to be the racecar. How do you like that, Derek?
#5 — Hi Ho! Cherry-O’s Cherries
Does anyone else remember this game? My neighbor had it growing up. When it comes to noticing how succulent game pieces can be, it was my forbidden snack awakening.
#4 — Everdell’s Berries
Not only do these look delicious, but they’re squishy like a gummy bear. Yes please.
#3 — Azul Tiles
You know these little Starburst-looking bastards are juicy as hell. As soon as Derek gets up to go to the bathroom, I’m sucking them dry.
#2 — Don’t Wake Daddy’s Daddy
More like Don’t Wake Zaddy. I will eat this sleepy king’s ass out all night long while the kids are up to no good in the other room.
#1 — Wingspan’s Eggs
We all knew this was coming. These look like delicious Cadbury mini eggs. I will lose every game of Wingspan because none of these pieces are on my board when it comes time to score. They are all in my mouth.
