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An XBox Fan’s Guide to Being Weird About ‘Starfield’

As the release of Starfield approaches, the Xbox exclusive Bethesda RPG presents devout Xbox fans a unique opportunity to be weirdly smug about the game at every turn. Here is a list of talking points for anyone hoping to be strangely unpleasant about one of the biggest games of the year! 

Starfield is the most anticipated game of the year” 

This is something that absolutely matters. Repeat at a higher volume if necessary. 

“There’s literally only one way to play the best game of the year” 

Then after you’re done talking about Tears of the Kingdom, you can proceed to talk about Starfield

“There is nothing even close to this on the PS5” 

When is the Starfield release date?

As long as no one you’re talking to is aware of the game No Man’s Sky, this is a bulletproof argument. 

“Todd Howard is the sexiest man alive” 

It hardly speaks to the quality of the game, but it can never hurt your argument to introduce this objective fact. 

“This is the best exclusive game of the year!” 

What’s more impressive is Xbox only needed to release two exclusive games all year to achieve this. It’s like they’re showing off!  

“The game is getting good reviews” 

The video game discourse gods have blessed us with another fall spent discussing what the heck a seven out of ten means. It obviously means that while it’s obviously not perfect, it’s still better than most games, and the numbers don’t lie. 

“It takes a few dozen hours to really get good”

Why should you listen to the primitive opinions of people who haven’t even devoted a literal work week to a video game yet? 

“Todd Howard is gaming’s greatest auteur” 

Fuck it, maybe you’re talking to someone that doesn’t know about Hideo Kojima. 

“Game Pass wipes the floor with PS Plus” 

If all else fails, make fun of the recent PS Plus price hike. This is war, and these people are your enemies. Every shot you can get in counts. 

“I am going to fight you” 

If all else has truly failed, there’s always the oldest argument settler in the book, the ol’ knuckle sandwich. If things escalate to this point, try to stick and move, and hopefully your opponent hasn’t trained in MMA or anything, or else he might have you saying ‘Xbox sucks’ in lieu of tapping out. Be careful out there! 

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