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A PlayStation Fan’s Guide to Being Weird About ‘Starfield’

As the release of Starfield approaches, the Xbox exclusive Bethesda RPG presents devout fans of Sony PlayStation a unique opportunity to be weirdly hostile about the game at every turn. Here is a list of talking points for anyone that plans on being strangely unpleasant about the release of a video game on a system they don’t like! 

“Bethesda games are always so buggy” 

One needs to look no further than Elder Scrolls and Fallout, two of the most popular RPG series of the century, to see how often Bethesda misses the overall mark on quality. It’s a shame. 

“The graphics don’t matter/The graphics aren’t that good” 

You can choose our own flavor here, but just be ready to move the goalposts whenever someone brings up the marginal difference between Starfield and any other AAA game of the last few years. If all else fails, say something about ray tracing. 

“Most of the 1,000 planets aren’t even explorable!” 

When is the Starfield release date?

Would I explore all of them if I could? No way, pal. I haven’t even touched an Xbox controller since a cruel prank my family played on me in 2017. But that’s still bullshit though, about the planets.

“PlayStation has better exclusives” 

There is nothing in this world that matters more than the two percent of video games that don’t just come out for a bunch of systems at once. Microsoft may win this round, but the bloody war shows no signs of slowing down. 

“Todd Howard is a hollow man devoid of empathy and emotion.” 

All kidding aside, I’m really not overly opinionated about Starfield or gaming consoles one way or another. So without bias, I can say they’re right about this one. Fair enough. Point for the Sony guys. 

“The game is getting bad reviews” 

The video game discourse Gods have blessed us with another fall spent discussing what the heck a seven out of ten means. It’s obviously a C minus, and the numbers don’t lie. 

“I don’t want to spend a game that takes 20 hours to be fun” 

Generally if you’re participating in these discussions, the assumption is that you would have this kind of time to spare. So the fact that you would choose not to is pretty damning. 

“It’s just a ripoff of _____” 

Say whatever you want here. Star Wars, Star Trek, Starman. It doesn’t matter. Just stick and move and get onto another talking point. We’re gonna win this thing!

“It’s way too political” 

Just a great, solid talking point to levy against science fiction, a genre that’s historically been devoid of commentary or messages or anything like that. It’s always just been lasers before this!

“I am going to fight you” 

If your airtight reasons for being strangely hostile about Starfield cease to turn the tides of the argument, you may want to consider swinging. Or at least talking shit like you’re going to. Whatever it takes to hold down Sony’s rep. 

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