26. Rock Band
Honestly, you and your spouse decided to have kids so you’d have a full Rock Band group. You needed a vocalist and someone you could force to play bass and having kids just seemed like the easiest solution.
27. The Simpsons: Hit and Run
Your parents wouldn’t let you play GTAIII but they would let you play this GTA clone. You don’t even really like the show that much, but you’ve been saying “Who am I Dr. Science?” for the last twenty years. Now your kid will know where you stole the joke from.
28. Burnout 2: Point of Impact
Burnout 2 added crash mode, perfect for teaching kids how to best destroy other cars, a valuable life skill in case your kid grows up to be a Fast and the Furious character. It also added pursuit mode where you play as a cop and crash criminals in case you accidentally raise a narc.
29. Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando
This sequel improved on the original game by adding a double entendre as a subtitle. That’s how you knew this was a game for the new generation. Those cowards at Nintendo would never let us know if Mario was freeballing under those overalls.
30. Dynasty Warriors 3
This game seems like it’s just mashing the square button to kill thousands of nameless foot soldiers. Then one day in a college history class they’ll rattle off all the major factions and leaders of China’s Three Kingdoms era from memory and impress everyone. It’ll be like the wax on wax off scene from Karate Kid. Oh, also make them watch The Karate Kid.
31. Star Wars: Battlefront II
Star Wars Battlefront II was a major disappointment so have your kid play the incredible Star Wars: Battlefront II instead. Man, they really should have given those games subtitles or something.
32. Spider-Man 2
Sure Marvel’s Spider-Man is a great game and the sequel looks even better, but this game has one thing the modern Spidey games don’t: Bruce Campbell as the narrator. If that doesn’t get your kids excited, you’re raising them wrong.
33. Onimusha: Warlords
Your kid is going to ask how they control the camera repeatedly and you’re going to have to explain that REAL horror games don’t let you control the camera. It’s not frustrating getting suddenly attacked by an enemy right in front of you that you couldn’t see, it’s spooky!
34. Call of Duty: Finest Hour
Back in 2004 if you wanted to get called a slur while playing COD you had to work for it. You had to buy a special adapter for your PS2, run a setup disk, and steal the ethernet cable from your parent’s desktop. Kids these days don’t understand how easy they have it.
35. Yakuza
You’re going to insist on playing this over Yakuza Kawami as a purist, but pretty quickly realize what a mistake that is. There’s no sprinting, way fewer mini-games, and Majima’s only in like three parts. But hey, it’s not like your kid knows they’re playing the bad version.
36. NBA Streets
This game is a relic from back before EA figured out how to milk infinite money from sports fans with micro-transactions. You know, back when they would make sports games that were actually fun to play.
37. Okami
Your parents made you learn how to write in cursive and balance a checkbook. You’re going to make your kids learn how to draw with the left thumbstick of a controller. I’m not sure why it’s important to make your kids learn skills they’ll never use again, but apparently it is, so go nuts.
38. Virtua Fighter 4
Virtua Fighter is a really important fighting game franchise. You’re not really sure why but enough people have said it that it must be true. Is the old guy who does drunken boxing in this one? He was cool.
39. Resident Evil 4
Let’s face it, the first three resident evils were garbage games for old people. This is where the series got controls that make sense and actually made killing zombies fun. I’m just saying, they made the Resident Evil 2 and 3 remakes third-person action games for a reason.
40. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
It’s okay to like the stuff from before we knew J.K. Rowling was transphobic, right? You’ll just have to make your kid play this game and then see if they cancel you on social media afterward.
41. Xenosaga Episode III: Also sprach Zarathustra
A lot of this list isn’t going to work out if you’re really religious which is where Xenosaga comes in. Jesus is literally in this game, how could your pastor not approve of this game?
42. The Warriors
Your dad bought this game and made you play it with him because apparently it’s based on some movie he likes. That means it’s not selfish for you to force your kid to replay it with you, it’s a family tradition.
43. WWE Smackdown! vs. Raw
Like all wrestling fans, you understand the fundamental truth that the best era of wrestling is the one from when you were ten. Surely this 20-year-old professional wrestling game has aged well.
44. The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age
Because of Peter Jackson’s movies, there were a bunch of Lord of the Rings games on the PS2. This is the weirdest one. It’s basically Final Fantasy X featuring mostly original characters who were just kind of around while all the stuff in the movies happened. You mostly want to make your kid play this to confirm that it actually exists.
45. Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus
As a Final Fantasy X kid, you have a moral obligation to protect your child from pro Final Fantasy VII propaganda. Making them play this will ensure they always like everything associated with Final Fantasy VII just a little bit less.
46. Enter the Matrix
This game isn’t very good but for some reason, they decided to make it a crucial part of The Matrix cannon. It’s important for your kid to fully understand this entire multimedia franchise even though you hate almost the entire thing at this point.
47. Def Jam: Fight For New York
If you’re into rap this game is a treasure trove of forced nostalgia, giving you an excuse to explain your favorite musicians and play a weird old fighting game at the same time. Oh, you picked Ghostface Killah? Get ready to hear all of Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) with my commentary over every song.
48. Fatal Frame
This game is the perfect window into that part of the early 2000’s where everyone got really into Japanese horror. Just make sure the lights are on when you get to the blinding mask part. For your kid, obviously. Not for you. You’re not scared, you’re a grown-up.
49. Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec
You actually always found this game really boring, but it’s one of the best-selling games of all time so obviously you were wrong. Let this be a lesson for your child to always trust the invisible hand of capitalism over their own judgment.
50. Little Britain: The Video Game
This game based on a British sketch comedy show starring disgraced comedian David Walliams and disgraced comedian Matt Lucas, is widely considered one of the worst games of all time. If your kid complains about any of the games you like on this list make them play this instead. That’ll teach them to call Final Fantasy X boring.
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