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I’m Starting to Think This Rage Room I Destroyed Might Actually Be an Escape Room

If so, I am asking readers to support me via the Go Fund Me link below.

You know now that I really think about it, there is a nonzero chance that the rage room I just finished irreparably smashing to a million pieces is actually an escape room. Still not entirely convinced, but it certainly might be possible.

So this all started when I won a gift card to some place called Breakout Blitz Rooms from the fundraising raffle at work. I’d never done a rage room before, but I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress at home and was excited to give it a go! I called and asked to book a slot and they told me I would have an entire hour, which seemed like a lot of time to destroy a small room, but I didn’t really think much of it.

When I checked in at the lobby by myself, the staff kept insisting it’s a “4 to 6 person room.” I told them I think I can handle it myself since I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. They were adamant that I wouldn’t “finish it” on my own, but I’m pretty sure I know how to get the job done! After I insisted I could take on the whole thing, they let me go in alone.

Now, I don’t know why a rage room would have a theme, but I will say the “murder mystery dinner party” setup did mean there were lots of neat props and well-placed tchotchkes to destroy. It was so clean and organized – a perfect setup for my ultimate rage release. I thought these people really got it: that deep urge to “flip the table” of our overly ordered lives and careers.

As a costumed employee gave a little intro to the room’s backstory (which I admit was odd), I completely zoned out and spent the time deciding what to break first. Once they left, I put on the safety gear I brought – goggles, gloves, and steel-toed boots – and proceeded to rip the speakers and screens off the walls and stomp them to pieces. It felt so liberating – I’ve had enough of technology these days!

I did think it was interesting that everything seemed to be turned on, plugged in, and secured with screws, but hey, clearly this place values attention to detail. Plus that made it way more satisfying to obliterate!

I didn’t want to be interrupted as I went downright aggro, so I took a wooden chair from the corner and jammed it against the door. Then I broke a leg off another chair and absolutely wailed on all the porcelain china and knick-knacks on the antique table. Keys, magnets, and little notes with codes on them flew everywhere! It was strange, but not as strange as the random blacklight on the shelf. At that point, though, I was so amped up there was no way I was stopping to think. I used the blacklight like a mallet to shatter every vase, pot, and picture frame in the room. It was exhilarating.

At this time, I noticed there were combination locks on, like, everything. I chalked them up as another challenge from the clever rage room designers – like how dog chew toys sometimes have smaller toys in them when they’re torn open. Thankfully the locks were no match for the metal candlestick from the table that I whacked them open with.

About a minute ago, I cracked the last of the locked boxes, which was tucked away deep within a dresser I dismantled. It had an old skeleton key in it with a note that says “Use to escape this wretched room.”

Now I’m staring at the door I jammed shut wondering if the banging noises outside are angry or congratulatory in nature. Either way, I had a blast.