LAKE GENEVA, Wisc. – Following an itch to get outdoors and take on a new hobby, local reformed gamer, Reggie Murphy, discovered that trading his Xbox for a tackle box wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be. The disgruntled fisherman could be heard hollering across Geneva Bay, confirming his disdain for fish, the act of fishing, and it being nothing like fishing minigames led him to believe it would be.
“I just wanted a distraction from my main quest in marketing for medical supplies. Whenever I need a break from gathering cult members in ‘Cult of the Lamb’ or banging my crush in ‘Stardew Valley,’ I just cast a line and fish the day away,” Murphy said, shaking his head at his nearby poles. “I am so good at those fishing minigames. You should see how many fish I can catch. No matter the fishing minigame, I am the fishing master. Here, I do ok, but where are the shadows so I know where the fish are? Where are the button prompts and the instant gratification of knowing the species, weight, and length apun catching the fish? I really feel like I was lied to.”
Murphy continued to bellow, carrying on about the preparation that went into his fishing trip.
“Did you know you had to put a worm on the hook to entice the fish? I didn’t and now my fingers are all slimy. Even worse, the few fish I have caught I had to remove from the hook and now my fingers are even slimier. I can’t tell what’s worm slime and what’s fish slime,” Murphy’s voice echoed across the bay, scaring any nearby fish. “You don’t even need fancy rods. I got this nice one and this old one and they both caught the same little baby paddlefish. I don’t think any of these game developers have ever actually been fishing.”
Local Lake Genevans didn’t take too kindly to Murphy’s harsh words about fishing and their beautiful lake. This included the local Lake Geneva police who fielded multiple complaints about Murphy.
“We get disgruntled gamers often,” Deputy Marcie Bloom of the LGPD said heading to her squad car to drive out to Murphy’s location. “These folks get a small taste of fishing and think they can handle the real deal. This isn’t ‘Final Fantasy’ or ‘Red Dead Redemption,’ this fishing takes patience, which these gamers lack. These folks usually don’t cause much harm. As long as no other law has been broken we usually slap them with a warning for disturbing the peace and send them back home to their minigames.
At press time Murphy had been arrested for allegedly fishing without a license and for two counts of capturing a vulnerable spcies of paddlefish.
